Once again, I was honored to be asked to speak at our church this morning--this is my sermon, and this is how I looked when giving it:
What You See Is Not Always What You Get
Sermon for January 30, 2011
Hello, I’m Gale Charlotte. I need to tell you that because, at first glance, you may not be able to tell who…or what….I truly am. If you are judging me on looks alone, you might be quite confused. For, at first glance, you see a large penguin. Because I am talking to you, and because you know that in the real world, there are no 5 ½ foot tall penguins, you could probably safely assume I am a person. Because I introduced myself, you might know me as an acquaintance, a friend, and you can rest easy, because you might know me as a person. But let’s play this out a little further. Because aside from knowing I am a human in a penguin costume, the rest is conjecture and then pre-judgement.
· If you see my skin peeking out from the costume, you might safely assume I am Caucasian. But am I? You cannot see the rest of my features, so cannot truly tell anything about my ethnic heritage.
· If you hear my voice, you might assume I am female. But am I? What if I lower my voice? And can you assume anything about my gender identity from my voice alone? Perhaps I identify as female, perhaps male. Perhaps I would like to be gender queer, and I will tell you what pronouns to use—he, she, him, her…..gender identity really gets complicated.
· You cannot see my physical features, so it’s impossible to tell if I am young or old. Perhaps I am a tall, precocious 8-year-old boy?
· Are you frustrated at not being able to use the visual clues you normally use? Then let’s start with the basic question: why might a person decide to wear a penguin costume to church? Because you don’t really know, you will need to make some assumptions, and then judge me on the basis of those assumptions. Could you be wrong in your assumptions? Indeed you could. You could decide I am mentally ill, because what adult (or child for that matter) wears a penguin costume to church, for goodness sakes? This might cause you to be very suspicious of what else I have to say. You might physically close yourself off, as protection, because you cannot tell what I might do next. That’s a fair assumption in some cases, but if you stop and really think about it, do look like I intend to hurt you? My hope is that you can look beyond my physical appearance, and listen to what I have to say. My ultimate goal is for you to think about what I have to say, and judge for yourself whether what I have to say has merit.
I’m going to take off this hood, because 1) It’s really hot and annoying, and 2) I’d like to see you when I talk, and I would like you to listen to what I have to say without too much distraction. Also, 3) I might still be scaring some of you.
Now, you can see that I’m a middle-aged Caucasian, you can hear I speak English with a Midwestern accent, and you know I can read (because I keep glancing at my notes). You know I have a disability—I need glasses. And you know I am chubby. And I can assume none of these things bother you too much, because you are still here in this sanctuary.
You can also make some assumptions—you can assume I identify as a female. You can assume someone from this church thought I was worth listening to, or I wouldn’t be up here. You could also assume I am either a Unitarian Universalist, or someone who is comfortable speaking to those of that faith tradition. You can assume I will speak for a limited amount of time, and you can assume I’m saying interesting things because after all, you are still listening. For many people in this world, all the above would be enough to make them STOP listening to me, would be enough for them to brand me a “heretic”, Godless, of the lesser sex and therefore not worthy, or would make them quite frightened and unable to listen.
Let’s just say I’m glad to be here, and very glad you’re all still here too.
Even if you’re finished prejudging me on the basis of physical appearance, there’s still much judging to be done. Any of the following could make you decide to get up and leave (I sincerely hope not), but they are things about me I think you might need to know: I am a Unitarian Universalist with pagan leanings. I have children, and they both went to Indiana University. I was not born in Indiana. I am a liberal with socialist tendencies. I graduated from college. I am a lesbian who is not married, but living with someone. I like to read trashy novels. I do not have a favorite men’s football, baseball, or basketball team. I bowl…badly. I hate liver, but I eat meat. I watch Rachel Maddow, but have disagreed with her sometimes. I have accidently run over animals when driving my car. I like to feed squirrels at my backyard feeders.
Still have a majority of you with me—that’s good. It means you are less prejudicial than others, and it also means you are capable of critical thinking.
Today I’m going to talk, not only about judging, but also PREjudging. I do believe there’s a distinction, and after listening to my explanation, I hope you agree.
You might be familiar with the 7th Chapter of Matthew in the Bible, specifically Verse 1--even if you don’t know the citation, you’ll know the verse when you hear it: “Judge not, lest ye be judged”. Back in biblical times, this would make sense, for back then you would have to actually see someone in order to judge them. You might hear rumors about the person, but chances are, in your very limited world, you would come face-to-face with them at some point. You would have an opportunity to see them, and perhaps to meet and speak with someone before passing judgment. Oh sure, there was prejudging going on, but it was much more limited. But today, this Bible verse should probably be altered to read, “Judge not, don’t even pre-judge, lest ye be judged or even prejudged.”
What do I mean by “prejudging”? To me, it means forming opinions about another human being in advance, without knowing anything about them except what you have heard from someone else, or what you can see at a glance. Prejudging is very close to prejudice, in my opinion. To judge someone, you have to actually hear them speak or read their very own words.
Why do we do it? Why do we judge and prejudge someone else? Well, it does save time. If you prejudge, or decide in advance to hate everyone you are told to hate, that makes it easy. If you judge someone on looks alone, it allows you, in just moments, to decide whether to spend more time actually getting to know that person. But the problem with honing your mind to a sharp, pre-judgemental point is that it closes off any part of your mind that has anything at all to do with critical thinking--you know, the ability to actually talk to people, get to know them, exchange ideas and opinions, explain your opinions in a thoughtful way. That’s all lost, and it’s such a pity.
I would like to blame our schools; our system has become so focused on test results, we’ve neglected to teach critical thinking skills. You know, those skills that allow our kids to thoughtfully consider alternatives to a problem. Our kids can parrot back answers without stopping to think why the answer must be so, but that opens them up to believing the first opinion they hear, without considering the facts behind it. I could blame the media--why, we’ve become so lazy, we turn on cable television and let someone else tell us what to think about some third human being—we don’t even need to look at a person; we just sit there and soak in the opinions of a commentator. Never heard somebody speak? No problem; your favorite commentator can doctor some sound bites, and make that politician someone you will automatically love or hate. Don’t have time to read a whole speech? No worries—just Google that person’s name, and any number of bloggers will have condensed the speech, AND, as an added bonus, told you what to think of it. The choice of words the commentator uses impacts further our perceptions of someone else—the worst possible happens when the commentator uses violent rhetoric to describe that other human being—more about that later. When researching this sermon, I was once again reminded how dangerous a place the internet can be. One site in particular stands out: the “Army of God” website is extremely up-to-date and was extremely disturbing to me; the site hails as heroes the murderer of Dr. George Tiller and the bomber from Atlanta—you’re even encouraged to write to them in prison (and send money, of course). The site rails against so-called “abortionists”, homosexuals, and those “who have not accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior”. The mere fact that the creators call themselves “The Army of God” is chilling to me. But again, more about that later.
Ultimately, allowing prejudging to happen, without another thought, is our problem, our responsibility.
The act of prejudging someone fascinates me. How a human can be a white, middle-aged male and therefore be prejudged “OK”? This type of thinking allows serial killers to blend into society for years, and allows men like Bernie Madoff to steal from so many people for so many years. How a person can say gays and lesbians don’t deserve equality under the law, can label “them” as less than equal, and are perfectly content to assume their doctor, grocer, cousin, son are, of course, straight, because “my” people aren’t “them”.
Years ago, I was given the honor of speaking to a group of high school students who were receiving awards. They were not being honored for their athletic ability, nor for their GPA. They were being given Career Technical Achievement Awards, for their efforts in the areas of Family and Consumer Science and Industrial Arts. Sadly, there are many people who would prejudge these kids as less than important because, in their eyes, they could never be doctors, professors, architects. These were talented kids who were rarely recognized, who might not attend a 4-year college, but who deserved to be honored. As I reminded them in my speech, the greatest architect in the world might have the plans for the most fabulous structure ever to be built, but without the carpenters, plumbers, builders, and so on, their plans remain just a dream.
My point today is we should try to always be open, and to especially avoid allowing others to prejudge for us—how many times have we avoided meeting, getting to know someone because someone else had had a bad experience with them? For me, the incident that sticks in my mind occurred when I was an assistant Girl Scout leader. A mother brought her daughter in to the daughter’s first Girl Scout meeting. The young girl was new to the school, and I guess the mom wanted to make sure…what? I’m not really sure. The mom told Dagmar, the Girl Scout leader, and I—in front of her daughter, no less—that her daughter was a “handful” and we would need to watch her every minute. It’s bad enough that we were subjected to this prejudging, but that it was said in front of her daughter—well, I can’t help but wonder what it did, emotionally and psychologically, to this kid. I will tell you that this girl grew up to be a very responsible adult, and as I look back, she was one of my favorite Girl Scouts. Yes, she was spirited and strong-willed, but that contributed to the interesting and strong woman she has grown to be.
When you are encouraged to prejudge another human being with words and images of violence, you can expect the worst to happen.
On January 8th, a young man loaded a semi-automatic weapon and headed to a Tucson shopping center. His goal was to kill a member of Congress, who he had judged to be SO evil she deserved to die. In his delusional mind, he had judged her, and decided she deserved to stop living. Unfortunately, his weapon was not as discriminating as he was, and other people died, including a 9-year-old girl. Was the gunman judging based on his own delusional thoughts? Or had he been influenced by others? Some would argue it’s a moot point—people are dead, so the “why” is unimportant. I would argue the “why” is extremely important—that it serves as a lesson to all of us, if we choose to listen. Because if this man had been influenced by the hate speech of others, the spreaders of the hate are culpable, and should take responsibility for their words, which simmered in the mind of someone who turned thoughts into actions. We may never know if the gunman prejudged these other people, but we do know Rep. Giffords had been prejudged—many times. We know Rep. Gabby Giffords is a woman, and we’ve been told she’s dedicated to her country, loved by her family. By all accounts, she is thoughtful, funny, and an asset to the community, but she’s also been prejudged as a pro-choice Democrat (and aren’t those the worst) who won’t keep _______________________ (fill in the blank with your feared group name here) out of my neighborhood. What’s worse, she’s also been prejudged with violent rhetoric—she was a Democrat targeted by Sarah Palin with crosshairs in campaign literature. She’s a candidate whose opponent ran an ad which said, “Get on Target for Victory in November—Help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office. Shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly.”
I could go on and on about violence against individuals because of who they were: Dr. George Tiller, a Wichita Kansas doctor who provided health services to women, was gunned down in his church on a Sunday morning. Dr. Tiller had been labeled “Tiller the Baby Killer” in an irresponsible and reckless way by Bill O’Reilly, a commentator on the Fox Channel. O’Reilly’s words and commentary about Dr. Tiller were not specifically cited by the murderer, but I just wonder how O’Reilly can sleep at night, knowing that what he said added to the violent rhetoric that had the effect of dehumanizing someone to the point that not only was he murdered, but his murder is celebrated?
Then there were Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., murdered simply because of who they were prejudged to be. Or the victims of the Olympic Park bombing in July 1996, the bombing of a women’s clinic in January 1997, a lesbian bar in February 1997, and another women’s clinic in Birmingham, Alabama in January 1998. All of these bombings were done by one solitary man—looking at the choice of sites, you can’t help but think he was prejudging based on the gender and sexual identity of women in these places.
In my opinion, the absolute ultimate in prejudging is done by religious zealots—hate “them” because “my God” told me to adds the all-powerful to the mix. Westboro Baptist Church—creators of the “God Hates Fags” sign and website-- is the repugnant face of this in America, picketing funerals of people they don’t even know, showing up to protest outside of schools and public events throughout the country. Yes, I am prejudging them on the basis of their signs, but I’ve really tried to listen to their words (via written and video interviews), and they make my gut tighten and my heart race—yes indeed, there ARE exceptions to the “Don’t Judge” rule—when you feel physically threatened, it’s entirely OK to prejudge the other person and get the heck out of there—flight or fight is a basic human survival technique.
But I digress…I firmly believe, if there is an all-knowing, powerful being, a God, I’m pretty sure they were the original authors of “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” and “Do unto others as they would do unto you.” The idea for different races, a sexual spectrum, and humans capable of thought were all done in the interest of variety. The great human experiment. My most memorable “Far Side” comic was one in which ”God”, as a bearded old white man, is standing in his kitchen, cooking up Earth. He’s added all the usual stuff, and as we see him, he’s holding a shaker above Earth, as if to pour. He’s saying, “And now to make it interesting,” as we all read the label on the shaker—it says, “Jerks”.
Religious zealots of every religion will prejudge, and getting back to the hate speech I talked about before, will usually have no qualms ordering their followers to kill other humans in order to please their God. Our own faith has experienced this ultimate in prejudging—on July 27, 2008, a man murdered two, and injured many others, at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, Tennessee. During his police interview, the gunman stated he had “targeted the church because of its liberal teachings and his belief that all liberals should be killed because they were ruining the country, and that he felt that the Democrats had tied his country's hands in the war on terror and they had ruined every institution in America with the aid of major media outlets.” He also made statements that because he “could not get to the leaders of the liberal movement that he would then target those that had voted them into office.” He also said he was motivated by hatred of Democrats, liberals, African Americans, and homosexuals—all, I guess, he thought he could find at a local Unitarian Universalist Church. By all accounts, he didn’t know any of the people he hurt; he just knew, because they were at the UU Church, they were evil and must die. Didn’t need to look at anyone, just opened fire. Color didn’t matter, nor did age—he fired those bullets without regard.
OK, we know judging and prejudging happen, we know we do it, but how can we prevent it from happening? Well, first, be aware that you’re doing it. That awareness goes a long way. Be aware too of the impact your words have on others. It’s bad enough that you judge someone on the basis of how they look, how they smell, whatever, but when you share your thoughts with others, you are responsible. It gets worse when you share those thoughts with kids—they have no filter to what they’re hearing, especially from you. The best thing that could happen in that case would be for you to be called on it. Give permission to those who are close to you--your friends, family, faith community, your advisors—to call you on it when you’re being prejudice. Don’t allow others to prejudge either—I’ve enclosed a handy reference in the “Order of Service”, for those times when someone you know tries to tell you every human is alike.
What else can you do? Be more open—try new foods, listen to a different type of music (one you think you hate), read a book by someone who IS NOT just like you. Travel outside of the United States. If that’s not possible, read about other parts of the world. During election season, turn off your television and pick up a candidate’s own literature, their own opinion papers. If someone states an opinion that is different from yours, ask why they have that opinion. Then LISTEN. Attend this church when there are Spiritual Journeys—it’s the best way to get to know someone you’ve never met. Heck, volunteer to do your own Spiritual Journey—I guarantee you’ll learn a lot about yourself, and will help others while you’re at it. If you have kids, the best thing you can do is help them develop critical thinking skills. Ask their opinion or perception of another person, public figure, current event. Explain what you think, and why. Ask them to do the same. But above all, always, always take responsibility for your own words and own actions.
But what if you think you are being prejudged? [And chances are you are being prejudged.] Prove those people wrong! Look at the way you live your life, and ask yourself how you can be a better person. If you want to be judged by your actions, make sure you’re acting in a way you can be proud. Just recently, I found out I had been unfairly prejudged. I have been considering, for a year or so, running for a position on the City Council. But some powerful people (you know, with money and influence) let it be known that I shouldn’t run, and not because I’m not qualified. No, that would be a judgment, and one that I think I could live with. They instead prejudged me-- they are afraid, because I am a lesbian, there might be a “whisper campaign” about my sexuality, which would ultimately lead to my defeat. It’s all about the winning, in this case, and the shortcut to getting there is to find the candidate who is prejudged to be a winner. Now here’s the thing—I’ve been a victim of whisper campaigns in the past—ones that were totally wrong, and I think I could survive one that was actually true. If I’m open about it, there’s not much to whisper about: you can whisper all you want, but yes, I am a lesbian. Let’s now talk about my qualifications and my ideas. Am I hurt by this? Heck yeah! It hurts to be prejudged….
In closing, I invite you to look around you. You know there are people here who are richer than you, poorer than you, stronger in spirit than you, hurting more than you can imagine. But there are also people here who have more in common with you than you realize—they might have the same illness, the same family situation, the same worries you do. What you know you have in common is that you have decided, at this point in time, to come together, to be together in peace. You have made a covenant for this morning, haven’t you? “To dwell together in peace, to seek the truth in love, and to help one another.” My challenge to you is to take that promise with you—decide to live that covenant OUTSIDE of these walls. Yeah, it will be hard, but it will be worth it. We owe it to other adults, and we especially owe it to children, to at least try our best.
And remember, “Judge not, don’t even pre-judge, lest ye be judged or even prejudged.”
Thank you.
