"It is so ordered"

"It is so ordered."....

Thus ends the Supreme Court opinion that began marriage equality in this country on June 26, 2015. Furthermore, from the majority opinion is this:

"Under the Constitution, same-sex couples seek in marriage the same legal treatment as opposite-sex couples, and it would disparage their choices and diminish their personhood to deny them this right."

When the decision came down that Friday, I was in the midst of preparing a sermon for that next Sunday morning. I wasn't able to give the decision that much thought; I felt joyous, especially for my friends in same-sex relationships, but I really didn't have the luxury to ponder. I read with great interest what others were thinking and feeling; felt uplifted by some and for others, I only felt dismay--at their ignorance and bigotry (sometimes wrapped in their version of religion). I don't know how many times I shouted at the screen or the radio:  "It's a LEGAL DOCUMENT! It's a piece of paper the government should have been issuing, without hesitation, years ago!!!" It's frustrating to hear the ignorance of some who hold official office, or who wish to hold office, as they try to twist their opinions in a way that they think will satisfy--not enlighten or educate--those who might vote for them in the future. It was America at its worst; using tired, wrong logic:  "I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman!" or outright ignorance: "I do not believe our Founding Fathers envisioned a Court where five justices could decide for all."

But I don't want to dwell on those who, in ten years, will have adjusted quite well to our new freedoms.

Having had some time to ponder, I can only say this:  I now feel normal. Completely normal in my own country, in a society that I am a part of every day. [Well, as normal as a feminist liberal can feel.]

When Karen and I made the decision, and then got married, I felt very, very good. Extremely happy. And yet, a part of me felt it wasn't really "real", because there were other same-sex couples in other states all over the country who were not allowed to marry. It's like when you're a kid, and you are given a Popsicle. It tastes good, it's satisfying, but if you are eating it in front of friends who don't also have Popsicles, it's just not that tasty. You feel a little odd, eating it in front of them. You might even notice it tastes weird, and tell your friends, "It's not that good." But when everyone has one? It's fun. It's a party. 

That's how it is now, with marriage equality. It feels right, because every couple in every state is allowed to do it. It's fun, and it's time to celebrate that freedom for all couples.

Tomorrow, it's time to get to work...again...because here, as in a majority of states, "Married on Saturday, fired for being gay on Monday." is a reality.

And racial equality? Time to get to work on that. And on poverty issues.

But for a day, take time to celebrate the good things our country has done. Have you noticed that watching fireworks is such a great equalizer? Everyone, in the dark, looking upwards--seeing the same things at the same moment. Gasping, at the same time, at the beauty. At this moment, we are not a skin color, we are not a gender, we are not an income level. We are all together, celebrating.

Now, let's get to work.

What's Ahead

Today, the temperature is far below zero, we have about a foot of snow on the ground, and I have the opportunity to "flesh out" some thoughts I've had about the upcoming legislative session, and how they deal with HJR-6. 
I recently wrote, and had published, the following "Letter to the Editor": 

"Please ensure 2014 does not become the most divisive year in the history of our state.  Hyperbole?  I think not.  If HJR-6 goes to on the November ballot, Indiana will become a battle state, and outside money will pour in, along with messages of fear and hate.  We, citizens of Indiana, will have absolutely no control over our airways, what’s in our newspapers, nor what we see on our computer feed, or even what’s in our neighbor’s yard.  For those of you who remember what it was like when Lafayette and West Lafayette were considering Human Relations Ordinances, this will be 1,000,000 times worse. 

 Make no mistake—there will be expressed hatred against same sex couples, lies about those who are different, and fear-mongering of what’s to come.  The misinformation will take years to undo, and we may never undo the damage done to our children, for they, more than any of us, will absorb and internalize the hate-filled, erroneous messages. 

For you who do not like “outsiders telling us what to do”, contact your legislators and tell them to bury HJR-6.  For you who “treat your neighbor as yourself”, contact your legislators and tell them to nix

HJR-6.  For you who demand clarity in our State Constitution, contact your legislators and tell them the second sentence must go.

For those of you who want Indiana to continue to be a good, civilized place to live, it’s time to stand up and be heard. 

Our children are depending on us."

The image above is meant to be humorous, but what I want to add to what I wrote in my "Letter to the Editor" is very serious.
I've written about marriage equality before.  I've written about hatred in the local community.  I thought I had nothing left to say that was new or different.  But I was wrong.
HJR-6 has been proposed, in one form or another, since I moved to Indiana nearly 24 years ago.  Sometimes the proposed amendment sat in some committee, sometimes it made it to the House or the Senate for a vote, but until last year, it didn't get much traction.  For good reason--it's a mean, divisive, discriminatory statement that would actually ADD discrimination to the Indiana State Constitution.  But it's happened before, to the chagrin of native Hoosiers; I mean, who wants to admit that they once had a Constitution that forbid blacks from moving into the state?!
And yet, with that horrible history, the legislators of the state are about to repeat themselves, by duplicating existing law, and expressly forbidding certain rights from a minority.
We, the citizens of Indiana, should be so proud. 
The fact that the proposed amendment has made it so far is because: 1) the Republican Party controls both the House and the Senate, 2) There is a powerful "pro-marriage" lobby at work in the state, and 3) The amendment and the right to vote on said amendment appeals to some voters in the state who haven't quite thought it through. 
I'll admit that I was one of those who hadn't quite thought it through, until an eye-opening meeting late last year.  At that meeting, someone stated that, in states where marriage equality is being debated and voted on, the rate of suicide among teens goes up. 
Think about it--if you are a teen who knows they are LGB or T, and yet have no support system, you are going to hear and internalize all the negative ads you read and see and hear--and they will get ugly....

Now, imagine that you are a little kid, with 2 parents who happen to be of the same sex.  You know your parents love you, you know that you love your parents, and you are proud of your family.  Imagine what a campaign against marriage equality will do to you, and the way you feel about your family.  NO KID SHOULD EVER HAVE TO HEAR THOSE THINGS.  NO KID.  And yet they will--over and over again.  They will be told, "God hates your parents.  God hates your family. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate." 

Oh sure, parents will do all they can to protect their kids from the hate-filled campaign literature and from the ads on television.  But parents can't be everywhere, can't protect their kids from what other kids will hear from their parents and repeat to their friends.  You won't be able to protect them from the signs in neighbor's yards, or from the billboards at the side of roads.  One day, your kids might come home to this:

And it will go on and on and on--the citizens of Indiana will be hearing and seeing these hate-filled messages for up to NINE long months.  Our state will never recover from this; it will be hard for neighbors to trust one another if they are openly on opposite sides of the issue.  Kids, who have heard things come out of their parents mouths, are bound to internalize those thoughts; to think that they, or someone they know, is a "less than".
I know my neighbors.  I know my community, and I know my state.  I know we are so much better than this.  We want so much more for our kids, and for our state.  But we need to say it--loudly and often.  We need to let our legislators know that HJR-6 is not wanted, not needed, not to be allowed on the ballot.  We need to do it for ourselves, for our neighbors, and for God sakes, we need to do it for our kids--the next generation of Indiana citizens.   

If I Could Address the Court...

This week, the US Supreme Court hears oral arguments on two cases:  Hollingsworth v Perry, which seeks to overturn Prop 8 in California, by declaring the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment prohibits limiting marriage to "one man, one woman", and US v Windsor, which challenges the Defense of Marriage Act (the law of the country) as a violation of the Fifth Amendment's guarantee of equal protection under the law.
If I could, I would like to remind the justices of the Supreme Court of a few things:

• Our country is a Republic, not a Theocracy..  The moment an attorney, arguing in favor of marriage inequality, mentions the Bible, or religion of an kind, I fully expect them to be interrupted. The justices could take turns, beginning for the hell of it with Justice Thomas, although I imagine he will be his silent, sullen, impolite self.  I hope a laugh track is involved! Anyone whose argument begins:  "I believe marriage is a union between one man and one woman because "it's what my church teaches me.""  should have their license to practice law revoked.  There should be no religious citations allowed--arguments involving religious doctrine don't belong here.  Not in the Supreme Court of the nation.  
• Marriage is a legal contract.  Traditionally, women were treated as property in these contracts; their new husband had complete control over them and their offspring.  We seem to have forgotten this little tidbit.  The legal contract that same sex couples are seeking would not give one complete control over the other, but would allow them to have the same legal rights as heterosexual couples.  They would be allowed to have the over 1100+ federal rights now enjoyed by their heterosexual friends.  These are 1100+ rights that are huge.  HUGE.  Don't believe me?  Then YOU go without them, give them up, and let me know how that works for you.  
• Justice is blind.  The justices should put their personal feelings aside, especially if they feel "ewww" about two men or two women kissing and being in a sexual relationship.  I know there are people out there, especially men, who just can't handle the thought of same sex sex.  The justices need to grow up and remember why they are there--to uphold the Constitution for everyone.  EVERYONE.  This is one of the most important decisions they will render this term, and will probably be one of the most important (certainly the most discussed) of their time on the bench. 
• Politics has no place in this decision either.  Equality is not a Democrat or Republican issue.  It's a very human one.  
• Finally, I would ask them to read a blog I wrote back in 2008.  I try to explain what marriage equality would mean to me, as a person.  It goes beyond the love I have for Karen; I have very real concerns about what the lack of a legally-recognized marriage means for us, beginning with medical decisions.  

If asked, what would I say to the justices of the Supreme Court?
"I am a legal citizen of the United States.  I work, I pay taxes, I try to do what's right.  And I love another person, very deeply and without reservation.  My family and my friends are supportive of us, and our relationship.  It's time for my government to step up and give Karen and I the same equal protection other couples enjoy.  Actually, it's well past time, and many, many couples have died without this equal protection.  I grieve for them, and have hope for us."

Legal In All 50 States

Last month, I had the great honor to preside at the wedding of a friend. It was a beautiful event from start to finish, and I was so pleased to be a part of it.
When the Divine K asked me to officiate, I wasn't sure if I could; after all, I am not a minister, and I was pretty sure I needed some kind of license. Divine K assured me that they would pay all costs for me to become "official", but it turns out the license is free at the Universal Life Church website. A couple of clicks, and I was ordained and able to perform everything but circumcisions (let me tell you, that was a relief). The Divine K and her husband-to-be wrote their own vows, so all I had to do was follow the script and add a few words of my own. Coming up with those few words of my own proved to be a daunting task, as the vows written by the couple were as perfect as I have ever read, and left me very little to say. I work better under pressure, so the morning of the wedding, I sat down and wrote something from notes I had collected, and I think they liked it.
The whole process of being an officiant, and presiding over a wedding, provided me with a great deal to ponder. I think it was after I signed all the official papers that it really hit me--I am allowed to officiate at a wedding, but am not allowed to marry the one I love. Let me repeat--I am considered a fine, upstanding citizen, responsible enough to marry a couple, but in the eyes of the State of Indiana, it's heinous to think that I would want to marry, that I would want all the rights and privileges of marriage.
27 1/2 years ago, I got married. I loved someone, thought I would spend the rest of my life with him, so the next logical step was to get married. I didn't stop to think about how the legal bond of marriage would benefit me, but I did know that if we were married, we could move into Married Student Housing (which was a pretty nice place to live). Plus our parents would be happier than if we were "living in sin". The day after the wedding, I didn't feel any more secure than the day before the wedding, and I certainly didn't stop to think that, if something should happen to him, I could make medical decisions for him, because we were hitched. And why would I? I was 21 years old; I took for granted that people fell in love and then, of course, got married and lived happily ever after. Yes, I was naive--incredibly naive.
Fast-forward to 3 years ago. I was divorced and taking a good, long look at my life. I met Karen, and all of a sudden, a multitude of things began to make sense to me. For the first time ever, I felt comfortable in my skin; that's the only, simple way to describe it--most of what I was feeling, so very powerful, is beyond words.
Then, I fell in love with her.
I never considered hiding my relationship with her. It was not a courageous decision; I have reached the point in my life where I am who I am. That's not to say I didn't agonize about telling my kids, my family, and my friends. It's the hardest thing I have ever done, but what was even harder were those days and weeks when I didn't tell them about Karen and I; I was so happy, and yet so miserable. Thankfully, everyone has been so supportive and so loving (thank you from the bottom of my heart, everyone); I am blessed.
Now I want to marry her. But I'm not allowed. Yes, we could get married in our church; the Unitarian Universalist Church is one of the few to do commitment ceremonies for same-sex couples. I'm sure we could have a beautiful ceremony, and be surrounded by the people we love. We could declare our love for one another, and make a commitment to love each other all the days of our lives; this would be witnessed by our loved ones, and would be very special indeed.
But it wouldn't count for anything.
Because the very next day, we would wake up and have no more rights as a gay couple than we did the day before. We are responsible adults, we love our kids, we pay taxes, we keep up our property, we hold down jobs, we contribute to the local economy, we vote. We don't abuse ourselves, each other, or our kids, we don't harrass our neighbors, and we don't steal (or break any of the other 10 Commandments either). But, because we are gay, we cannot legally marry, and over 1138 legal rights enjoyed by hetrosexual couples are denied to us.
It's not just about tax benefits either. If Karen or I gets sick, the other person is not automatically allowed to make medical decisions on their behalf. In some places, we would not even be allowed in to the hospital room because we are not considered "immediate family" (let me tell you, this is what scares me the most; you only have to read about Lisa Marie Pond to know why I'm so worried). Our wills have to explicitly spell out what the other person is entitled to; it's not an automatic thing. I cannot add Karen to my health insurance, nor can she add me to hers. All those things I took for granted 27 1/2 years ago are all denied to me now. And yet my love for Karen is no different than the love Divine K feels for her husband. Or the love any of you feel for your spouse.
This is why all of us should fight against any of the amendments proposed to any state or federal constitution, declaring marriage to be between one man and one woman. Keep religion out of it; marriage in any state now is a legal arrangement, whereby the couple might arrange for a religious group to bless that legal document. All I'm proposing is, if your church doesn't want to bless a gay marriage arrangement, it doesn't have to, but the state should recognize it just the same: as a legal arrangement. The amendments that have been proposed to state constitutions would, in most cases, be the first time that state has written discrimination INTO that document. And that's just wrong.
Divine K, I wish you and your spouse every happiness in the world. Never take your love for granted, and never take your rights for granted. Amen.