Ever Yell At A Book?

Granted, it's easier to yell at a book you're listening to versus one you're reading; it's like you think you can reason with the narrator or something. I've yelled at a couple of books in the past year; the latest was The Dogs of Babel: A Novel by Carolyn Parkhurst.

The basic plot of the book is this (with apologies to Ms. Parkhurst): a man comes home to find his wife has died after a fall out of a tree in their backyard. The only "being" to have witnessed the fall is the family dog. The man, a professor of linguistics, decides that, in order to find out what happened (and why), he will teach the dog to talk. He puts the dog in a fair bit of danger in his quest for the truth--and at that particular point in the book, I'll admit that I was yelling and crying.

Because here's the thing: very early on, you know his wife killed herself. The man knows it too. But he keeps trying to communicate with the dog, as if by knowing WHAT happened, he'll know WHY it happened. But it never works that way, and that's why I was frustrated and yelling--the people left behind will never truly know, and certainly never truly understand, why another person would choose to end their life. You could leave the most intricate, detailed letter with all the reasons why, and the people you leave behind would still have those niggling thoughts: "What if I had...?"

Still, I think if any book evokes emotions like that from its reader, it must be worth a look. Bravo, Ms. Parkhurst.

People Are Counting On You: A Reading by Kelly Corrigan

This woman is powerful.

OK, So Here's the Thing

First of all, if you haven't seen the interview Rachel Maddow did with Richard Cohen, I recommend it. She always does a good interview, and seemed to take great pleasure in debunking this alleged "expert". If you have no interest in watching the interview, let me quickly explain: Richard Cohen is an "ex-gay", who says he "helps" other people who also want to be "ex-gay". It's interesting that he says you can't "pray away the gay", which flies in the face of the teachings of Exodus International, a group of "ex-gays" who believe you have to "come to Jesus" in order to be "healed".
I've heard leaders of both groups claim they "love the gays, but want to help them if they want to be 'healed'". They look very caring and compassionate, and seem to be empathetic and sincere. They say over and over that they don't hate anyone; both groups have very lately come out against the proposed law in Uganda, which would put homosexuals to death. Their voices drip with sincerity as they say they "just want to help".
But here's the thing. What if there's nothing wrong with being gay? According to the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association (I could go on and on and on)....being gay is not a mental or physical disorder. It's not a disease. Not an illness. It's just who a person is. So, if it's not something that needs to be cured, why are there organizations trying to do just that? OHHHH yeah......because there's lots and lots and lots of money to be made. Yup, Richard Cohen and all the "false prophets" just like him are really no different than those snake oil salesmen of yesteryear. They are selling nothing, yet delivering hatred.
Why? Because God says so. Richard Cohen can try to convince us that he's not like those other guys who believe you have to "pray away the gay", but the idea that being gay is a disorder comes directly from the mouths of the fundamentalists of any religion AND from those who just need someone to hate. Just like we were told by these same folks that women, blacks, and ________ (fill in the blank with any minority in society) were less human in days of yore. It makes me sick.
If being gay is just who a person is, no more and no less, then these guys are out of business. If being gay is OK, then we'll have far fewer teens trying to commit suicide because of who they are. We'll have far fewer suicides period. If being gay is treated no differently than being straight, we'll have fewer anguished parents, seeking "help" for their "troubled" child. Less alcoholism and drug addiction too; fewer runaways, more families who still love each other. But the sad truth is, if being gay is OK, there will be one less group in society to hate. And far less money to be made by those snail oil salesmen. Far less money being donated to those churches that are comfortable preaching hate. Far less money donated to those politicians who cynically see a group that can be exploited for their own gain.
I could be flippant and say I want to make money too--I'm going to start my own group of "ex-straights" who want to use hug therapy to help those who are struggling with being straight. Those who still feel that opposite sex attraction. "I'm here to help you cope. It must be horrible for you." But that's just too ridiculous, isn't it?
And besides, I just can't muster the hate for a fellow human that's needed to make my "ministry" work.

Oh, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz......

Liz Cheney needs to grow up. For goodness sakes, she's 43 years old, and still believing her father hung the moon! "What prompted that outburst?", you might ask. I recently read that she believes her father should run for president in 2012. Really? The man who actually should be awaiting trial in a War Crimes Tribunal? The man who was so frightened by the events of Sept. 11th that he cannot think or talk sensibly about anything but total decimation of the Middle East (and the sooner, the better)? That guy?
When I was a little girl, I believed my dad was the best thing ever. No matter what he really did, I believed he could do no wrong. I fiercely defended him against naysayers. But as I got older, I realized he was as human as the rest of us; he made mistakes, and he wasn't as perfect as I once thought. I think all well-adjusted adults do go through this same process. It doesn't mean you love your parents any less, doesn't mean you won't do anything you can for them; it just means you have finally become a person in your own right. I feel sorry for Liz Cheney, but more sorry for her husband--what must it be like for him to live in the shadow of her father, knowing that he will never be as great a man as she believes her father to be?
It runs in the family too: I read Mary Cheney's book, Now It's My Turn: A Daughter's Chronicle of Political Life, a couple of years ago. I was hoping she would talk a little about her personal life; what it was like for her (and for her partner) as a lesbian in a Republican family. What was it like to face people every day out on the campaign trail who hated her and the life she was living? I was disappointed, but not surprised, that she didn't address any of that in the book. I was, however, a little taken aback by how fawning she was about her father. It was touching to see how loyal she was to her father, but a little unnerving to read how black and white it was for her. As in, "what my father believes is always right, and those who disagree are unpatriotic, undereducated, delusional people". I didn't think she should trash him, but she could have at least made him appear human instead of the god they worship in the Cheney home.
But at least Mary didn't take the Church of the Dick Cheney on the road; she had the sense to put it all down in a book, and then appear to move on. Liz should take a cue from her sister, and let that old man of hers retire. Take the gloves off, and realize that's what happens in politics--at least one person is not going to love your father the way you do.

Weighing in on Stupak

So, Rep. Bart Stupak of Michigan tried a trick play during the Health Care "game". Stupak said, if the Speaker of the House would allow consideration of his amendment, he would guarantee a certain number of reluctant representatives would vote for the full Health Care Bill. Something must have gone wrong in that brief moment between mouth and ear, because while the reluctant representatives voted FOR HIS amendment, they did not vote in favor of the full Health Care Bill.

This "trick play" in the "game" effectively takes away a legal medical procedure for women who choose the public option. According to The LA Times, the Stupak amendment "would prohibit federal dollars from being used to buy any policy offered through the exchange that covered abortions other than those related to rape, incest or danger to the mother's life. It also would require insurers that offered elective abortion coverage through the exchange to also offer policies "identical in every respect" except that they did not cover such abortions. The main effects of the amendment would be to stop anyone receiving a federal subsidy from buying a comprehensive health insurance policy that covered elective abortions, and to bar the proposed government-run insurance plan (a.k.a. the "public option") from covering such procedures. The amendment would allow insurers to offer "supplemental" policies that covered abortions, but their customers could not use federal subsidies to buy them." In essence, what Rep. Stupak is saying, if you're not able to afford insurance, you are SOL if you want to control your own body. Your options are limited, and if you decide to go ahead with the birth, your government will probably not help you with the expenses of raising that child, and I wouldn't be surprised if Rep. Stupak rails against you in the House at some future date for being irresponsible and having so many children that you cannot support.

I wish I could drill a hole in his head (and in the heads of others like him), and get directly to the part of the brain that doesn't understand that abortion is a medical procedure, the right to which is protected by law. What if his doctor said to him, "Stupak, you need to have a procedure. But I'm sorry--you can't afford it, and insurance doesn't cover it. Go home and make the best of it."? The scary thing is, he does understand, and it bugs the shit out of him. His "trick play" is a end-run around the legal right for a woman to choose. The travesty is that it got into the final bill; the game he's playing could become law. His game could have dire consequences in the lives of women, and he doesn't care.

While others were expressing outrage at Stupak's amendment, I found myself feeling resigned. It's just that it's been done so many times before; some men are always trying to control women in any way they can--killing abortion doctors, bombing clinics, instituting state "regulations" that force women's clinics to close, withholding money. They just can't stand it that a woman can have utter control over something they cannot.

As I was writing, I was reminded of that quote: "If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." And, I might add, safe, fully funded, and readily available on every street corner.

Indeed.

Feels Good

It feels good to do something for someone else, even if you don't know that someone. Yesterday I donated a sample of breast tissue for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Tissue Bank at the IU Simon Cancer Center. It was quick, easy, and fairly painless, thanks to the 50 or so volunteers they had at our local Cancer Center. I had heard about the event from a friend, and because I will do anything for a t-shirt, (besides the fact that my mom, aunt, and best friend have all had breast cancer) I signed up. They said the appointment would take one hour, and they were right on the mark. I walked in, signed a consent form, provided a medical history, gave a little blood, and before long, I was with a doctor and an assistant, ready to give the sample. The doctor numbed the area (I felt a little stick and that was it), and took 3 samples from the same area. That was it! The assistant applied pressure to the area for a few minutes, put some gauze on the little, tiny cut, gave me an ice pack, and I was free to go. I got a goody bag, a free smoothie, and could have waited and had a massage, but by then I was feeling a little guilty about all the thanks I was getting for doing such an easy thing.
The Tissue Bank is asking for these donations of breast tissue, so they can establish a bank of healthy tissue to compare against specimens from women with breast cancer for research purposes. For me, I felt like I was doing a little to help some smart people who are studying a horrible disease.
I didn't write this as a "Yay Me" post--I wrote it to demystify the process. It's not a painful procedure, and you'll feel good about it afterwards. My hope is that if you hear about an event like this in your area, you'll sign up to donate. Please.

And Now, A Couple of "Holy Mackerel" Stories

Thanks to Rachel Maddow for the tag line.
The first story concerns our newest senator, Al Franken from Minnesota. Senator Franken offered his first amendment to a bill. His amendment would withhold government contracts from those companies that prohibit their employees who are raped, sexually harrassed, or discriminated against from taking their cases to court. Seems that companies like Haliburton make their employees sign a form that states that if they are raped, sexually harassed, or discriminated against while on the job, they will not report this to legal authorities.
HUH??? Well this is a no-brainer, Senator Franken! I'm guessing you got a vote of 98-0 on this one, right? Ummm.....apparently the Republicans are still in their toddler phase, where they're saying, "NO" and putting out their bottom lip at anything proposed by a Democrat. 30, yes 30 voted against this amendment. Thank goodness Senator Lugar is too old to play those childish games when the well-being of humans is on the line.
The second story comes from the great state of Louisiana, where Justice of the Peace Keith Bardwell refused to sign the marriage license of Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay. What had they done that was so heinous? Was Ms. Humphrey a convicted drug dealer? Was Mr. McKay a child molester? Nope. They were an interracial couple! Yes, one was white and the other black, and Bardwell feared for the children they might have. Why, if these two were allowed to marry, and then they had children, why one of those children might just grow up to....to....be President of the United States!! The horror!!!!

Randomness

Some days I feel like Andy Rooney; I have a lot of different thoughts in my head, but no two are similar enough for even a segue-way. I guess they all could fall under the category of "I Saw" or "I Heard"...

• A few days ago, I was standing in line at the Post Office, and I noticed the young woman at the counter. Actually, I noticed the back of her head. I've never had the experience of looking at someones' hair, and feeling very sad, but it happened at that moment. This woman had beautiful, wavy hair, but it was pulled back and hastily shoved into a barrette. The barrette was slightly askew, and hair was poking out of it in every direction. It's almost as if the woman had said, "I can't take any more stress in my life! I've got this...and this...and this...to do today, and I really can't handle having to deal with my hair!!". I just felt so sorry for what must be going on in that head; I wanted to pat her on the back and tell her that she was going to be OK--her hair looked like it needed for her to have that kind of pep talk. I did look at the rest of the back of the woman, and she appeared to be a painfully thin professional woman--matching the hair, and making me feel even more sad for her. It was a very odd moment indeed.
• I was recently listening to NPR, and heard an interview with Steve Schneck of Catholic University of America. He was part of a discussion about proposed health care reform. I was not surprised to hear he was against any funding of abortions in the new health care plan, but I was a bit taken aback when he said he was against funding birth control as well. I know his opinion was in keeping with the teachings of the Catholic Church, but really? Don't fund birth control of any kind? Does the Catholic Church care so very little for women? Has he truly considered what happens when women are not allowed to use birth control? He and the Catholic Church may be pro-life, but what happens when human life is no longer sustainable on this planet because there are just too many of us?
  
• I watched a clip of a recent Glenn Beck show, where he started to cry when speaking about "simpler times" in America; he was certain his audience would "go back there in a second". You remember those times, don't you? As Beck described it, it was a time in America when "We used to be united on some basic things." He's a little younger than me, so he can't be talking about the 1950's. My guess is his earliest memories would be 1966 or 1967. The March on Selma was in 1965, Stonewall was in 1969, the Women's Liberation Movement really got going in the early 1970's, Roe v Wade didn't happen until 1973, and Harvard didn't admit women until 1977, so he must have been nostalgically recalling his early years, when Negroes still knew their place, Homosexuals were not spoken of, and all those "uppity women" were kept busy having baby after baby, not thinking that they too could be vital members of the workforce. Oh yes, those glorious "old days", when 99.7% of our leaders were white men, all the "talking heads" on television were white men, when we could still watch commercials for cigarettes on television, when seat belts were a new invention, when we didn't feel sorry about what we did to the "Indians" in this country because all we saw were television shows where cowboys were the real heroes, and when women could be sexually harassed in the workplace because why on earth would they be there anyway? Of course--that America--the one that existed before those damn hippies came along and ruined it for everyone. I could go on and on, but clearly I didn't live in the same "simpler times" that Glenn Beck did.
  

Fortunate Friday

Today has been a good day so far. It's the little things that make me realize life is good:
1) I got to sleep in this morning (OK, I got up twice to let the dog out, but I was able to go back to sleep both times). I dreamt about my aunties, which always makes me laugh. Sure, I have the day off today because I work tomorrow, but hey--that means I have a job to go to.
2) The day is rainy and grey, but it was nice to know the author of the local newspapers' Forecast felt the same way: "Overcast and chilly. Might rain too. Ugh." Misery loves company.
3) Sela Ward was on "The View" this morning, making it doubly good. "The View" is one of my guilty pleasures--I watch when I am home at 11 on a weekday. I've loved Sela Ward since she was on "Sisters". I must admit, until this morning, I had never noticed her slight southern accent. Nice addition.
4) I talked to my mom, and she's doing pretty well. The doctor thinks the radiation is shrinking the tumor, and my mom sounds stronger (and more like herself) every time I talk to her.
5) I have leftover Arni's Junior Salad for lunch! Went out to Arni's after seeing "Capitalism: A Love Story" last night, and it was the perfect end to a great evening with Big N.
6) I have bowling to look forward to tonight. I really love Fridays with my friends.
7) Lastly, I know that at the end of the day, I will not have to climb into bed alone. Karen will be back tonight from her trip to Colorado. It's been a long week, and I've really missed her.

Today is "National Coming Out" Day

Today is "National Coming Out" Day. There was a huge march in Washington, D.C., and from what I've seen, it was a beautiful day in our nation's capital. I watched some of the speeches on C-Span, and the crowd shots were very colorful--lots of rainbow flags, and tons of signs and banners. The speeches were passionate, and the message that was repeated over and over again was this: "It's time NOW. Time for equality for every citizen in this country. It's up to every one of us to work for equality at every level--city, state, national. Yes, it's up to us." I get goosebumps just typing that--the speakers were just so passionate, and their voices are still resonating with me. Carrying those thoughts with me to the computer, I have a message for my straight allies.
We need your help.
We need you to speak out for us, to confront the bigotry when you encounter it, and to be supportive of us and our relationships. When you hear how perverted "those people" are, when you hear that "those gays just want special rights", and when you hear that "marriage is only between a man and a woman", I do want you to be confrontational. Kill them with kindness, but ask your friend to explain to you how THEIR marriage will be undermined by allowing gays to marry. Ask them what "special rights" the gays are asking for: the right to be with a loved one when they die? The right to care for a loved one if they're sick? The right to serve their country in the military? The right to work at a job without fear of being fired? The right to be themselves without someone hurting or killing them for that? The right to live the same life as anyone else in the United States?
Fill the silence you will undoubtedly encounter with some facts. Like this one: in the vast majority of states, you can still be fired for being gay. Or, talk about

Hate Crime Laws: Twenty-Nine states and the District of Columbia have hate crime laws that protect people based on sexual orientation. Of these, only seven and DC include protections based on gender identity or expression. The map below shows Transgender Inclusive Hate Crime Laws by state.

Transgender Inclusive Hate Crime Laws Blue = Hate Crimes Laws Include Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity: HI, CA, CT, NM, MO, MN, PA, VT, DC Red = Hate Crimes Laws Include Just Sexual Orientation Grey = No Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity Hate Crimes Laws Or remind them that over 13,000 men and women have been dismissed from the military since 1993, when the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law went into effect. This is particularly ludicrous at a time when our nation is fighting two wars, and our military is being stretched to the limit. These are people who want to serve our country, who believe the United States is worth fighting and dying for, even when this same country refuses to allow them to be themselves. Or tell your friends, families, co-workers that you know gay people. Tell them about what you know about our lives, our families, our relationships. Personalize "gay" for them. I promise to do the same. Starting now. This is my story. Most of you know that for over 40 years, I thought I was straight. I was married for 23 years, and have two fantastic children. I don't regret being married, and I will tell you quite truthfully that I did not know I was a lesbian until after my divorce. I did have crushes on other girls when I was growing up, but didn't give it much thought, and if asked, I would have said it was nothing--just a phase maybe. I knew I was supposed to grow up, get married, and have kids. Anything else was not an option. After my divorce, I did a lot of thinking. I had a chance to think about me--who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, what kind of person I might want to be with. I thought about my life so far, when I was happiest, and who I liked to spend time with. I felt free to think for the first time since I was a teenager, and certain people, certain situations, certain feelings kept jumping out at me. It was scary and yet liberating. It's no accident that I got to know Karen--mutual friends asked her to come for a visit, and we were able to spend some time together. I fell in love with her--truly, madly, deeply--but also came to the conclusion that I was, without a doubt, gay. There's no other way to describe it; I just felt "right" in my body for the first time ever. Nobody can convince me that I am anything else but a lesbian--no religious leader, no politician, no medical person, no family member, no talk show host--nobody. I vowed never to "live in the closet"; I have always been a pretty open person, and I "am who I am". The first few months of our relationship, I had to lie, and I hated it, hated the burden and the pressure. I am truly blessed to have family and friends who have supported my decision and who still unconditionally love me. I know I'm fortunate--I have heard too many stories of people who are gay and who are abandoned by those they love, who lose children and jobs and homes because of who they are. It's not only tragic, but it's stupid. Think about who YOU have fallen in love with; does what gender they are make you love them any differently? It's chemistry, pure and simple. Here's where it gets frustrating for me. As a straight person, I took for granted all those rights and privileges I had. The two of us went and got a marriage license. The marriage was recognized in all 50 states, and in every country we visited. I was automatically on his health insurance plan, we got auto insurance, rented an apartment in lower rent married student housing, and had children who have birth certificates with both of our names on them--no questions asked. If he had been in the military, I would have lived in subsidized housing, and been entitled to certain benefits as a military spouse. Wherever we went, I was introduced as his spouse, and he could talk about me to colleagues, and display photos of his family on his desk. I never, ever once considered how another person would react if I talked about my male boyfriend or spouse. I cannot imagine loving anyone else the way I love Karen. Because of her and the relationship we have, I am happier than I have ever been. I am blissfully (and some would say, sappily) aware of how she makes me feel. She makes me a better person. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and I want to be married to her. My church will recognize our union, but my state and my country will not. We could go through the motions, and maybe we will, but it will be a ceremony with no legal impact--we will have none of those rights I took for granted when I got married the first time. If I get sick, Karen will not be allowed to make decisions for me, will not be allowed to visit me, unless I have legal documents drawn up which specifically give her those rights. We have separate health insurance policies, and every time I go to a doctor, I must tell them I am gay and that Karen is my partner. They have every right to ignore that and exclude her from medical information. We do not own a home together. We do not have auto insurance together--our separate policies cost much more than a joint policy would. We do not have survivor-ship rights to Social Security, and if one of us leaves something to the other in our will, the survivor will pay hefty taxes. We are fortunate that our places of employment accept our relationship, and I even have photos of her on my desk. For the most part, I can speak openly about our relationship at work, but a couple of co-workers do not know, and I censure myself when I speak to them. I do try to live as openly as possible, but am very cautious when meeting people at my health club, and various organizations I belong to. I don't touch Karen much in public, and there are certain places in town where any physical display of affection would be dangerous; we would be subject to verbal abuse at the very least. Can you imagine? Someone wanting to hurt you because of who you loved? Having to hide who you are because certain segments of society will react so negatively? Gay kids and adults kill themselves every day because of who they are, who they love. It's time to stand up and say, "Enough is enough." Because, as Lt. Daniel Choi said today, "Love is worth it."

Conservatives Are STILL Such a Class Act

This is a clip from a meeting of Americans for Prosperity (one of the main organizers of the Tea Party protests). I guess they're for prosperity...and for America...only if it's Republican America (ignoring the fact, of course, that Bush helped launch the Chicago bid at the White House).

Quiz in Three Parts--Part Three

Here it is--the last question:

Question # 3: Is it OK to breathe yet?
Again, you may talk amongst yourselves before replying.

For the past 8 years, I held my breath. With George Bush as president, I was so afraid of many things. What social programs would be gutted? Could we possibly hold on to Head Start? How many countries around the world would lose their respect for our government, our country? How many wars would we start, and then be unable to finish? Who among us would be the next group to be despised and blamed for everything from the flu to the downturn in the economy--gays, women, the poor, brown people, beige people....? Would women still have control over their own bodies? Would my country still be my own after Bush and Cheney were through with it, or would I be forced to leave?

Then Barack Obama was elected, and I had such high hopes for America. Sure, he had a lot to take care of, but he was surrounding himself with smart, capable people. It also seemed like my fellow citizens had looked beyond race to choose the man who had the best leadership skills, and we would all unite behind this young and talented president. I believed this country was ready to be the best it could be--for ALL Americans; we would be united for working for the common good. AND, we would all know how to define that common good. Sigh.....yes, I am the eternal optimist.
Eight months later, I feel like I am inhabiting a two-sided body. Personally, I am very happy--my mom is doing OK (OK is good for this month), I'm in a wonderful relationship, and my kids are happy. I have what I need. My life is peaceful, and well, just damned good.
But the outside world is in turmoil, and I've started to hold my breath again. I don't think any of this can be blamed on the actions of President Obama; I lay all the blame firmly on my fellow Americans. The start of the Obama presidency was quiet and yet busy. Then came July and August, and the ugly craziness began. Incivility at Town Hall meetings; I watched fellow citizens in a frenzy, hatred on their faces as they disrupted meetings between citizens and their elected officials. Where had these people come from? What were they so afraid of? WHO was stirring them up--clearly they were hearing something to make them so angry? And they wouldn't listen to anything anyone else had to say; it was like they were being whipped into a frenzy and sent out in attack mode. I had held my breath for 8 long years, and now this rage, this hatred for other Americans, was taking my breath again. And it seemed to come from nowhere. Clearly I was listening to the wrong news channels, reading the wrong newspapers, talking to the wrong people, because I had seen nothing about the proposed reform of health care that caused me to be so afraid. Or anything else that the new administration had done had provoked such a violent reaction in me or my friends. I was a child of the 60's--I've seen anti-war protests, been in marches for reproductive rights, and watched a whole lot of television in the past 50 years. But I have never, ever felt as unsafe as a citizen of this country as I do now. I truly fear for the lives of our leaders; the faces in the crowds are so angry, and it has spilled over into the halls of Congress, where one of them felt so threatened he was compelled to verbally attack the president, saying not, "That's a lie," but "YOU lie!". Where will this end? In violence. That's what happens when a human believes he has no recourse, no "out", and feels his very life is threatened.
And what is it that he is so afraid of? Change.
If you can stomach it, look at the footage from those Town Hall meetings. Probably 90% of those reddened, angry faces belong to middle to older white men. They have never faced change like this before. They are suddenly looking at a president, Speaker of the House, Secretary of State who are not like them. That's unsettling at the least, for they have never seen so much change happen so quickly. As the brilliant Kate Clinton explains, "Republicans treat President Obama as if he were a substitute and they are just waiting for the real deal to come back in the room. That would be a white Republican male. Their desperate efforts to delegitimate an elected president (not to be confused with their efforts to legitimate a selected president) remind me of their panicked response to the terror attacks on September eleventh, eight years ago. For many of them, it was their first experience being attacked. Unlike women, poor people, and people of color who know being attacked as a pre-existing condition, the white guys freaked. Their world order was rocked. They panicked, put the country in lockdown and retaliated against the wrong country. Once again their worldview is being rocked - demographically, racially, economically, politically."
Yes, "Their" country is gone forever. No matter how they wish it to be back the way it was, it never, ever will be. And I say, "Good riddance." This change is good. Deal with it. Leave your guns at home, take deep breaths, and close your mouths and open your ears. If you truly love this country, you'll do this. For all of us.
And we'll ALL be able to breathe again.

Quiz in Three Parts--Part Two

Last night, I dreamed I was walking home on a Sunday morning, and saw some protesters outside of a mainstream Protestant church--the denomination was not ever identified in my dream, but I can only guess it was a Lutheran, Methodist or Presbyterian church. The building was not big, nor were the people going into the building anything but ordinary. Let's just call it "Everychurch".
The protesters were loud, and were waving signs--I couldn't ever clearly read the signs, but they were all homemade and the words were in black and red. The faces of the protesters were vicious, full of hatred, and frightening.
I walked up to one of the protesters, and asked why they were there. She said, "Because they don't worship God in the right way!!!! They don't honor Jesus properly!! They are evil!!!" I asked, "But aren't you Protestant too?" She replied, "That's beside the point!!!! They aren't being religious enough!!" I watched the people filing into the church. They looked scared, and wouldn't even look at the protesters, let alone engage them in conversation. I couldn't believe how ridiculous this was--both groups of people called themselves Protestant, yet this group outside looked ready to kill those inside. I tried to reason with the protesters, yelling to be heard above their shouts and threats--"This is crazy! Both of your denominations believe in the same basic things; you even say you worship the same God!" But the protesters wouldn't listen to reason; all they could say, over and over again, was that THOSE people didn't worship "right". Finally, exasperated, I asked what "religion" the protesters were. "We're Baptists!" was the reply, as if that explained everything.
I felt really sorry for the denomination under siege, but felt powerless to help them. The next Sunday, when I saw the protesters again, I had an idea...

Question # 2: Did I:

1) Walk away, convinced I was seeing the demise of Christian religion as I knew it,
or
2) Decide to bring back some of my Unitarian Universalist friends, thinking that they could successfully help protect one side against the other, because the UUs could be neutral parties.

I decided to do #2, because I really thought those "Everychurch" people needed protection from the more fundamentalist of their Christian religion. And UUs could be neutral--could judge both sides on the merits (or lack thereof) of their arguments, and find a peaceful solution--after all, UUs have been fighting for social justice for years.
No offense to the Baptists; they may be perfectly nice, but I was not ready for a religious war in my own country, especially over something so petty. I think my dream was an illustration of my deeper fear for this country--that we are becoming so ideologically polarized that we can no longer meet in the middle.
And that is what leads me to question # 3.

Quiz in Three Parts--Part One

It's back to school time (Erika starts grad school tomorrow--I'm so proud of her!). But for American students, class has been in session for weeks now, and many of those students have already had their first quizzes. In this spirit, I offer my "quiz" to all of you; it's a three part, essay quiz, but rest assured, you will not be graded. I just would like to hear your opinions.
Question # 1: Earlier this week, a female college student came in to my place of business. She was obviously an undergrad (I do know how to spot the younger ones), and she was wearing a t-shirt that said, "Future Trophy Wife". In my vast experience as a woman, I could tell she was NOT "trophy wife" material. Should I:
a) Assume she bought it for herself, and laughed out loud at the joke on her shirt? In other words, realized that both of us knew she was too good to set her life ambition to be a "trophy wife"?
b) Ask her to explain it to me? I was just puzzled by it, and couldn't understand why anyone, even if they had no clean laundry left, would wear an article of clothing like this.
c) Assume someone else bought it for her, thinking this was a worthy thing to strive for in life? If so, should I have laughed and said, "Oh, how ironic!"
d) Realized it was just a t-shirt, and not a very thoughtful one at that.

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

I just really didn't understand the meaning of the shirt. I really, really wanted to ask her if this really, really was her goal in life, and if so, why she was advertising it ahead of time? If it wasn't her goal in life, why would she want to wear such a stupid shirt?

Don't worry--the questions just get harder....

The Muppet Show - Rowlf - The Cat Came Back

One of my all-time favorite Muppet skits!

Best Come-back of the Day

"I think your mom probably did."

Sen. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) to Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ) after Mr. Kyl proclaimed, "I don't need maternity care. So requiring that on my insurance policy is something that I don't need and will make the policy more expensive."

Senator Kyl--shame on you! Kudos to Senator Stabenow.

Proclamation # 4

Proclamation # 4: I hereby proclamation that, until such time as a real leader steps forward in the Republican party, I must assume the lunatic fringe (not to be confused with the Monster Raving Loonies in Britain in the 1980s) is firmly in control of the party, and as such, the Republican Party will be ignored. I just don't have the patience nor the time.
I do hope a real leader steps forward soon; I appreciate a two-party system. There is great value in true debate of issues, and in the exchange of ideas. There is nothing to be gained in name-calling; we learned that in grade school. There is much good that can be done when you make an honest attempt at finding common ground; there is little value in saying "No" without a thoughtful reason for it (I learned that early on with kids--you gotta be able to answer the "Why not?") There is a lot to be said for being passionate about your country; there is nothing good about riling a desperate person who has a proclivity for violence.
Change can be good, especially when it encourages us to be more compassionate, more just, and to treat each other as we would want to be treated.
Life is just too short to give any sort of attention to people who want to separate, to divide into "us" vs. "them", or who want to "go back to the way this country used to be" [read here: segregated, homophobic, and where white men made the decisions for everyone else no matter what].

President Obama's Health Care speech

Some initial thoughts about President Obama's speech tonight. First of all, I will admit that I was not going to watch. I prefer to read the text, forgoing the seemingly endless interruptions for applause. However, Karen had started to watch it on C-Span, so I looked over her shoulder. What I heard made me angry, and made me sit down to watch the rest. There was heckling!!! Yes, heckling--during a speech given by the President of the United States.
Have we, as a nation, really sunk this low in our public discourse??? I cannot ever remember this happening during a speech given by a president in my lifetime. I cannot speak to history, but in my lifetime, there has always been the greatest respect given, from both sides of the political aisle, to the person holding the office. I'm very sure there have been times that heckling might have been deserved, but (and with all due respect to my British friends), our members of Congress have NOT behaved like members of the House of Commons during Prime Minister's Question Hour. Until tonight. There was heckling, and a holding up of unknown papers by Republican members of Congress. Shame on them.
I can only think they felt free to heckle the president because Dick Cheney was not there to glower at them from the podium.
The speech was typical Obama--simple and inspiring. He addressed concerns, called out the fearmongers, and then reminded us that we're better than this. We have a history of taking care of those who need help--mentioned Social Security and Medicare, SCHIP. He talked about how we will pay for this--hopefully some of my more skeptical friends were listening during that part.
My favorite part came toward the end, when President Obama said, "But that's not what the moment calls for. That's not what we came here to do. We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it." Amen, brother. We will all hold hands and help along those who are scared--in the end, we will have a health care system that works for all of us. ALL Americans.
Oh yeah, and only about 5% of Americans will choose the public option. So, no scary big government. That was last administration.

A library without the books - The Boston Globe

A library without the books - The Boston Globe

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Speaking as one who sees value in browsing REAL books, this is the worst possible decision.

The Last of the Dynasty

R.I.P. Edward (Teddy) Kennedy.
We've now come to the end of an American Dynasty. We may see other Dynastys, but it will be hard for the next one to have as much of an impact on American politics as the Kennedy Dynasty. Beginning with their grandparents, the Kennedy and Fitzgerald names dominated Boston and Massachusetts politics for 3 generations--quite a feat when you consider how fickle the American voter can be.
I was four years old when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated; I remember being sad and I remember watching his funeral from a hospital bed. I also remember my sister writing a letter of condolence to Jackie Kennedy, and receiving a personal note in reply.
I was not yet nine when Bobbie Kennedy was assassinated, but remember being sad and outraged that our future president was gone (maybe a lot of that came from my dad, but still). I remember that my dad gave me a hard cover copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, because "This is a book Bobbie Kennedy read to his kids."
But I never really understood Ted Kennedy. As a youngest kid myself, I was pretty sure he was just a guy who stood on his brother's coattails to get where he was as a Senator. They were big coattails, made all the larger by the tragedy of their deaths and the potential that seemed to die with them. Then came July 1969 and the events of Chappaquiddick, and I dismissed Ted Kennedy as a ne'er do well and a drunk (I had little sympathies for drunks back then). I never gave a thought to the fact that he was carrying a heavy burden; the deaths of all his brothers, the pressure of their perfection in death, and the simple fact that he must have felt so very responsible for all of those children--John left two small children, Bobby left 10, and Ethel was pregnant with the 11th, and then Ted had 3 of his own.
I also didn't think about how easy it would have been for Ted Kennedy to say, "Enough is enough. Our family has sacrificed too much for this country, and I'm done. Screw you all; I'm going to the Cape." And he would have had every right to do that.
But he didn't.
He decided to continue to serve OUR country. He decided to work for all of US. In truth, he had it all--money, power, comfort, influence. But he decided that someone had to keep working for those who usually had no voice, no power, no influence in government. Here was a rich guy, and he decided that the best work he could ever do was for the poor, the working people. He could have made so much more money, but he thought his country was more important. Yes, I know he had power, and that can be a great aphrodisiac, but the things he fought for, worked his whole life for, were people.
How many politicians, at any level, can honestly say they are just like Ted Kennedy? So very, very few, and that's sad.
Rest in peace, Ted Kennedy. Thank you for your service to our country. The world is a better place because of you. You will be missed.

"Don't Confuse Me with Facts!"

The past two nights, I have attended "Town Hall" meetings organized by a local group, Citizens In Action (get it? CIA). The head controller (eg, he held the microphone the entire time and appeared to be the expert) was a man named Donn Brown.
A little history. I know Donn Brown because I sat next to him when Cindy Sheehan spoke at Purdue a couple of years ago. TWICE during her talk Donn Brown jumped up and yelled at her--to her credit, Sheehan was polite and unruffled. The second time, I told Brown to sit down and be quiet, that it was not his turn to speak (I felt like I was talking to a preschooler). He tried to intimidate me by saying we could take it outside, and when I agreed to that, he decided to shut up. In my opinion, Donn Brown is a bully and an arrogant ass. So, when I saw that Donn Brown's teabagger group was going to do a town hall meeting, I knew I must go. And not be polite.
I was surprised that the meeting room at the local library was packed--probably over 200 people were there. I was not surprised that it was a totally one-sided affair, with no facts presented, just a recap of the right-wing rhetoric that you can easily find on Fox News, and other right-wing media outlets. I'm not just saying that--their literature listed Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Fox News as sources of information about Health Care Reform.
The meeting began with the Pledge of Allegiance (did you know it finishes with "Amen"?). Then Donn Brown got up and said health care reform was just another government plot to deprive you of your freedom. That was the highlight of his speech, but he repeated it often. He also educated us on the Constitution, pointing out that nowhere in the Constitution did it give Congress the right to establish a healthcare system. He conveniently didn't mention the other beneficial government programs that were also, in his words, "Unconstitutional". The rest of his basic message was, "I work, I have health care, and I don't want to take care of those other people." He was obviously preaching to his choir, because he was applauded many times. There were some state level government officials in attendance, and some city officials as well, but no one spoke about specifics of the bill, and at no time were any facts about the state of health care in this country put forth. Just one man's opinion. He did invite a second speaker, an Independent Insurance agent, to speak about the history of insurance. If she stopped to listen to what she was saying, she probably would be in favor of much of what is in the current legislation. I had prepared for the meeting by doing some information gathering, being careful to select independent studies and opinions. The best article I found was this one:

It makes for some interesting reading. As a disclaimer, the National Coalition on Health Care is the nation's largest alliance working to improve our countries' health care system. The Coalition's Honorary Co-Chairs are former Presidents Jimmy Carter and George Bush. Co-Chairs are former Governor Robert D. Ray of Iowa (R) , and former Congressman Robert W. Edgar of Pennsylvania (D). Needless to say, it's a non-partisan organization. I thought I was truly eye-opening.

But I digress. I kept quiet for as long as I could, until the insurance agent said that in the British system, they take your health care money and dole it out only in the areas of the country that are politically aligned with the government. I said, quite loudly, "That's not true!"
Finally Donn Brown said he would now allow a "Question and Answer" period. I guess you were supposed to ask him a question, and he would give you an "answer" (based on his opinion, not any fact). The first question that was asked was if anyone in the room had experienced health care in another country? The population of this room could be characterized as 1 African American, and everyone else, European American (white). I raised my hand, and said, yes I had lived in another country. The woman asked if I would speak to my experience (remember all of this, as it's important on night two). I told about giving birth, being allowed to stay in the hospital for 5 days, and having major surgery but not being billed for any of my care. I think I said I thought the British system was one of the better in the world, and it was clear the audience did not agree with me. The woman asked how much in taxes I had paid in England, and to my chagrin, I did not know. I had to admit that I had never seen a pay stub while I was there. But, I also pointed out, Donn Brown had admitted that he didn't know how much his employer paid for his health insurance either.
The "question and answer" session went on until Donn Brown decided to lecture some more, and while there were a few in the crowd who tried to dispute his claims, the vast majority were content to hear his opinions with no facts to support them. They were happy to hear, once again, that "they" want to kill granny and all those kids with Down Syndrome. All in all, I was surprised/shocked/saddened to realize that this mostly Christian audience (remember the "amen" at the end of the Pledge?) were quite content to take care of their own, and no one else. I guess they forgot that the leader of their church, Jesus Christ, went out of his way to help the poor, the sick, and the needy, REGARDLESS of who they were. It left a bad taste in the mouths of many--I heard more than one person say, "That's not the type of Christian I want to associate with. What happened to "Love thy neighbor as thyself?"
So, on to the second "Town Hall" meeting. I put those words in quotations because usually at a real Town Hall, there are exchanges of opinions from both sides, and some facts thrown in. Not just one unelected person, accountable to nobody, who holds the floor for 80% of the time. I came prepared this time, planning to read the following:

Three points: 1) The Constitution doesn’t give our federal government the right to establish a system of education either, but thank god our forefathers decided it was a good idea to set up a system to educate ALL children, regardless of ability. They did it for the common good; if they hadn’t, I daresay over half of us here would not even be able to read the Constitution, and I shudder to think what the state of our country would be. Our education system is a huge government program, but I’d rather give up a little freedom and have educated nation, state and community members. 2)Speaking of doing things for the COMMON GOOD, I’m thankful our forefathers didn’t have the attitude of Donn Brown, or we wouldn’t have roads, bridges, sewers, electricity and so on—it was expensive, and taxes had to be raised to pay for each of these, but I’m sure we could all agree each of those has benefited all of us. I’m glad we all pitch in to fill potholes too. 3) Do we have any good Christians out there? I do believe it was your leader, Jesus Christ, who said to go out and take care of all the poor, sick and needy people. NO EXCEPTIONS. Why? Because the government would not do it! Now, the government wants to help the poor, needy, and sick folks, and you’re all worried about giving up your freedom. I know Jesus spoke a lot about working for the common good. I’m not so sure he said a word about power or freedom. Jesus and our forefathers decided to work for the common good. What are YOU going to work FOR???

Same format the second night but this time Donn Brown allowed another speaker. I have to say this guy was even more opinionated than Brown, and still with no facts. When Brown opened up the floor for "Questions and Answers", two men came forward to the microphone to read their opinions. Not surprising, they agreed with Brown. Then he called on me. He told me to stay where I was, away from the mike, and speak. No problem--you people know I can project! I read my statement, and was shocked to hear the self-identified "good Christians" disagreeing with me about Jesus. Huh? What church do they attend???? I finished, and some guy stood up in the crowd and said, "Last night, you were so the expert on the British system! If it's so good, why didn't you just stay THERE??" I looked at him (no poker face--he probably knew I thought he was an idiot), and told him I was an American. He yelled out again, "So why didn't you just stay?" At that point, I knew there was no reasoning with him or anyone, and just said, "What kind of question is that?" Someone asked what medical experience I had had, but at that point, I knew nobody cared about the answer--the man who had so "intelligently" asked why I didn't just stay in my country of England had just set the tone for the rest of the meeting. No civility, no listening, just shouting at whoever tried to speak on either side. Thanks, butthead.
I stayed around after the meeting to speak to a friend. The butthead came up and said, "I didn't mean to disparage you in there. Sorry." I said, "You DID disparage me, and you set the tone for the meeting. NO civility. You don't know me, and you had no right to ask that question." He said, "Well, you sounded like SUCH the EXPERT last night. You should have stayed there if you loved it so much." I explained, for at least the 4th time, that I am an AMERICAN citizen, and the night before, I was responding to a question, and told of my experience. He said, "Well. You SOUNDED like an expert. Should have stayed there. I know your kind. You voted for Barney Frank." OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....I got it. One, I knew something he didn't and two, I was just one of "those". You know....gay......liberal.......fill in the blank. That's not just paranoia. My friend called him on it, and he knew full well we were gay--couldn't quite figure out who Barney Frank was, and why we couldn't vote for a congressman from Massachusetts, but still, he had our number all right. Don't confuse this guy, or anyone else who came up to speak to us, with facts. If you do, they're going to resort to schoolyard namecalling. I decided to call it a night when some other guy came up and talked about the failure of socialized medicine, and when we countered with what we knew were facts, he said, "I know y'all just listen to Katie Couric."
I don't feel I wasted my time in attending these meetings. I got a stomach ache, I couldn't sleep, but I know I did my best to speak for the other side. I fear for this country if the folks in attendance last night and the night before are the majority, but I don't think they are. I don't know how to address their fears, but maybe you just go on without them, and when things change and they aren't so bad, they'll come along too. Change is scary. But if we can remember to keep it civilized, to talk everyone through the process, to hammer on facts, not fiction, we can make progress. We can do it for the common good.

Town hall protests tilt public opinion | IndyStar.com | The Indianapolis Star

Sigh....they've succeeded. The lobbyists, funded by the health care industry, have riled a few folks, and they have riled a few folks, and it's worked. More people are actually sympathetic with the screamers at Town Hall meetings than are discrediting them.

Town hall protests tilt public opinion | IndyStar.com | The Indianapolis Star

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More people are believing the scary rumors than are actually sitting down, doing some reading, and figuring the truth out themselves. Sarah Palin is continuing with her "Death Panel" talk, and it appears the president and members of Congress who actually think we DO need Health Care Reform have been caught flat-footed. And the "I'm in it for me and my family and that's it" members of society are missing the forest for the bark on the tree. Meanwhile, health care costs continue to skyrocket, and insurance companies are making a tidy profit. But hey, if you have insurance, and your family is OK today, that's all that matters, huh?
Does anyone else wonder why health care costs triple or quadruple every year, when inflation is at 3-4% at the very most? WHO is pocketing the money? Someone has to be--who is it?
But heaven forbid we add another socialist program in this country; after all, Medicare has been such a failure for the elderly.

Letter to the Editor

I just sent this one off. For those of you who are not from around here, Rep. Buyer is usually MIA from his district, and yet he keeps getting re-elected. Go figure. He will NEVER have a Town Hall meeting--he barely campaigns for re-election.
**********************************************************************************
To the Editor:

I was just wondering if Rep. Steve Buyer was planning any Town Hall meetings for the August recess? So many of his colleagues are having meetings, and I am sure many people are very interested in hearing him explain the Republican proposal for the overhaul of the health care system. I’m sure he would be interested in hearing from his constituents as well.
And P.S. Jonah Goldberg is an idiot. It’s fortunate, for him, that he’s not required to do any fact-checking before publishing a column.

Sincerely,
Gale

What Else is Missing from Town Hall Meetings?

Besides civility, respect for the democratic process, and a chance for a real discussion on a really, really important issue?
The voice of women.
I tried for most of the night tonight to find and image of the one guy at Rep. Steve Kagen's town hall meeting--you know, the guy that is standing up, screaming; the veins in his neck are popping out, and he really looks dangerous. He is also big--probably well over 200 lbs., and it is clear that nobody is willing to take him on, to tell him to sit down and shut up. With this kind of environment, WHO is going to stand up and ask the next question?? Certainly not a woman, especially not one who doesn't have martial art training. Based on experience, it's not the women who stand up to speak during public discussions. Why is that? Are we still programmed to believe that it's not nice to raise questions in public? Not nice to raise our voices to strangers? I think it ultimately boils down to this: women are more acutely aware of threats to their own personal safety. They have to be. After all (and I'm not being glib), how many men were gunned down as they worked out in their health club this month? How many men open the paper, read of a rape, and think, "Wow, that could have been me"? We learn very early, and it's reinforced over and over, "If it doesn't look safe, don't do it."
I know there are plenty of women, myself included, who enjoy a vigorous debate. But, even though I can argue with my friends, and even though I've been a public official, I find my voice shaking and my blood pressure rising when I have to stand up at a public meeting. Even if it's an issue I feel strongly about. I know many people feel that way, but it seems a disproportionate number of the silent in the audience are women.
It's not that women are the weaker sex--that's not the point I'm making. Although, I should point out that it's usually not the women who stand up to shout down the speaker--their voices just aren't made for that (not on the low and loud scale). Pure biology there.
We all need to find our voices now--we need to demand a return to civility in public discourse. We need to demand the opportunity to hear about the Congressional Health Care proposal--it's just too important. We also need to declare that violence, perceived or actual, has no place in civilized society.

And ladies? Please, please make your voice heard. If you can't voice it, write it. Write it in big letters. Call. Fill up an answering machine. Talk--to your significant other, your friends, your neighbors, YOUR KIDS. Let your thoughts be heard. You have important ideas, and remember what your grandma said: "Might does NOT make right" and "Bullies never win."

But most of all, remember what Maggie Kuhn said: "Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind--even if your voice shakes."

Way to Go!

Congratulations to our local school district--the community came through, raised over $200,000, and saved 7 teacher positions. It was truly a joint effort of the School Board, administration, staff, teachers, and local citizens. They should be proud of the work they did for the kids of our community.

Are the Brownshirts far behind?

Our country said good-bye to civility during the 2008 election, when Sarah Palin was sent out on the campaign trail, not to talk about issues, but to discuss how un-American Barack Obama was. Then came the teabaggers, who wasted taxpayer resources (met in public areas, wasted time of police for "protection", threw pollutants (cloth tea bags) into rivers) to protest paying taxes. The "birthers" just won't go away--the whispers about President Obama's true nationality have appealed to the "true Americans" who just can't get their heads around a "black boy" as president. Now the Republicans, who have not put forth a health care alternative of their own, have unleashed their lobbyists, who in turn have riled the rabble. As I was listening to a report of these protestors, my mind immediately jumped to visions of Hitler's brownshirts, a group of his thugs who were sent in to political assemblies for opposition candidates for the sole purpose of roughing up attendees.

No polite policy discussion, no sharing of ideas, no attempt to understand. Just shouting and intimidation. Worked for Sarah Palin, and now it's working for those who don't want to see our health system reformed--they're making way too much money on the present system. The puppetmasters understand this game far better than we do.

Proclamation # 3

Proclamation # 3: "Before I turn 50, I will legal change my name to one that has meaning for me."
And so it will be tomorrow; my name will legally change to: Gale (father's mother's first name) (mother's mother's first name). I did not arrive at this decision without a lot of thought. It's fun to select a name for yourself, and at the same time, it's very difficult. Fun, because you have millions of choices. You can go with the name of a place that has meaning to you. You can select an inanimate object that you like. You can take the same name as a celebrity, or go with something playful. One of my friends suggested I go with "Tooty Fruity". I must admit it has a nice ring to it.
It's also difficult, because there may be too many to choose from, or there may be too many people you admire and want to honor with a name. Too many inanimate objects to pick from--that can be a real problem.
For me, it was a combination of fun and stressful. It was hard to leave behind a name I had had since 1981, and yet I felt it was time to have my own identity. I considered a water-based name like Pond, Lake, or Steam, since I love the water so much. I did not want to take my maiden name because I didn't really like it. Besides that, my grandfather was adopted (quite literally left on someone's doorstep), so the name was not a multi-generational keepsake. I also didn't like my original middle name--Joyce--because I did not know the person I was named after; she worked in a bank on my dad's mail route, and for all I know could be an embezzler. There were many family names to choose from as well; some were hard to pronounce (I didn't want to go that route again!), and some had no special meaning for me. I had thought about honoring a woman in history by taking her name--Susan B. Anthony had no children, and Gale Anthony had a nice ring to it--that was a close second.
One day, I was thinking about the women in my family, and how strong they all had been. My paternal grandmother was in her 90's when I knew her, but my father told me stories of her as a young woman and mother, and she was quite the spitfire. She grew up in a family of horse traders, she cut her hair short just before it was OK to do so, and she traveled all over the country with her husband the bridge builder and their two sons. My maternal grandmother helped to raise me and my siblings. She grew up in a small town, got married and had a son. That husband went off to fight in WW I, developed a nasty gambling habit, and as she said, "Came home from war a different man." She had to go to the big city of Des Moines to find work, and left her son with her extended family; I cannot imagine how hard that must have been. She met my grandfather, and they had 4 children together. My grandfather was an alcoholic, and until he joined AA, was not a very nice man. She raised 4 children (the youngest died at age 4) almost by herself, and kept the family going through the Great Depression. She was a waitress well into her 60's, and was proud of the work she did. She and my grandfather were married over 50 years, which I believe is a testament to her tenacity.
As I thought more about it, how could I not be honored to take these womens' names? I practiced writing my "new" full name, and found myself smiling. Perfect!
According to Indiana Statute, I could just start to use my new name, and it would be legally recognized. However, if I ever wanted a driver's license in my new name, I would have to file the legal papers to change it, and pay the fees. I did consult a couple of lawyers about doing the name change for me, but in the end, found it was fairly easy to do on my own. The only problem was the County Clerk's Office--they seemed so used to lawyers handling name changes that they weren't prepared to answer the multitude of questions I had. I paid my $136 filing fee, appeared before the judge (it was just as scary for me to stand before him as it was to sit in a principal's office!) to set a court date, paid $125 to the local newspaper for a legal ad to run on 3 consecutive weeks, and then sat back to wait the required 30 days.
Tomorrow is the day I see the judge, and I'm excited. I have the blessing of family and friends, but there's just one thing. I should have included my mom in some way in this name change. After all, she gave birth to me--it's the least I could do. And, she is, by far, the strongest person I have even known. Her life has been so hard, and yet she moves forward with a faith and a courage that amazes me. Just last week, she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. She faced this with her typical grace, saying, "We've had stones in the road before--we'll just find a way around this one too." This week, she will have her first chemotherapy treatment, and I plan to be by her side, giving her the support and love she's always so freely given to me. I am certain I will learn new lessons from her, watching her face this newest "stone".
On the other hand, it's appropriate to take her mother's name, and remember we do come from a long line of strong women. If my mom needs an additional source of strength, she can call upon her ancestors. And they will be there for her--of that I am certain.

Where Were You 40 Years Ago Today?

Just typing that makes me feel old. 40 years ago today, two men first set foot on the moon. I always kinda felt sorry for the third guy (Michael Collins) who had to stay behind in the command module to make sure the first two didn't get left behind on the moon. I hope they bought him a beer or something.
Anyway, I digress....I was 9 years old and obnoxious as can be in July 1969 (and my sister still has the home movie to prove it). We were vacationing in Missouri at a trailer owned by a family friend. I remember it was on a lake, but that's all I remember. Oh yeah, and there wasn't a television--couldn't get reception anyway. My niece, Marci, had just turned 2 and was sick with a high fever--not a good trip for her. I don't remember anything about that night, except that we heard the news via the radio--kinda anticlimactic. My sister later told me that my mom and her friend were totally convinced the world was going to end the moment Neil Armstrong put his foot down on the moon. They must have been quiet about it because I don't remember them tearing their hair out or crying--sure signs for a 9-year-old that your mom was going crazy.
I do have a set of high quality prints of the photos they took while on the moon. My dad gave those to me; claimed they were given to him in lieu of cab fare from a customer. For years, I worried that he might have stolen them, and the original owner would come looking for them. They were that cool. But I finally realized my dad was telling the truth, and while the photos were wonderful to look at, they just didn't hold the same fascination as they did when I thought they were "illegal".
40 years on, it's still amazing to think that we Americans had the wherewithal to get someone to the moon. Now, if we could just do something about health care.

The More Things Change, The More They....

When I was a teenager, I had great hopes for my generation. We had seen so much change in this country, so many people who demanded that people be treated fairly and as equals, and I thought the rest of my generation had absorbed all those lessons just as I had. I believed in the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, for goodness sake. Call me the eternal optimist.
Throughout the years, I've been disappointed in my generation; at times, very disappointed. We still have people who feel it's OK to yell ethnic, racial, and homophobic slurs; feel proud about it. We still have hate crimes--lots and lots of them, to put a number on it.
But I've always found reasons to be optimistic--we have an African American president, we have lots of smart women doing lots of cool jobs, we have the first Latina nominee for the Supreme Court. And then I read the newspaper, or news on the internet machine, and I sigh....and wonder...will we ever reach that thing we pledged as kids, "....liberty and justice for all"?
First case in point--the trial...I mean...the confirmation hearings for Judge Sonia Sotomayor. By this time, I shouldn't be surprised, and yet I am, by the behavior of Republican senators in the United States Congress. Their behavior was despicable; because of what some of them actually said, and by the fact that they were allowed to get away with it. I saw and read a lot of quotes from Sen. Lindsey Graham and Sen. Jeff Sessions, mainly because they were the worst of the lot, and what I read made me angry (OK, angrier--it's been that kind of week). It also made me ask the question, "Who elected these guys anyway?" Sessions just couldn't seem to grasp "life experience" and "My quote was misconstrued." But the worst was Graham. I quote:

"Graham read out loud a laundry list of complaints about the nominee....Graham went through insult after insult from anonymous reviews about Sotomayor's temperament, including ones that called her 'nasty,' 'a terror,' 'a bit of a bully' and one that said she lacks any 'judicial temperament.' Graham then asked her directly: 'Do you think you have a temperament problem?'"

"Graham later said, 'I never liked appearing in court before a judge I thought was a bully.'"

It goes on to say, "After voicing those complaints and telling Sotomayor that 'maybe these hearing are a time for self-reflection' for her, Graham became a bit of a bully himself, asking her if she remembered her 'wise Latina' quote. When the judge answered in the affirmative, he asked her to recite it--twice."

Do you think, in the history of hearings for potential Justices of the Supreme Court, that any of the men were ever accused of being a bully? Do you think any of them were ever asked if they thought they "had a temperament problem"? I did listen to one analyst, who said they had reviewed all previous hearings, and could not find one instance where a male was asked that same question.
Are these men really so threatened by women? By someone who is not white? To date, there have been 109 white people, and 108 men, who have served on the Supreme Court. Our current court comes nowhere close to mirroring the gender or race makeup of the United States, and yet our Republican senators feel that one Latina woman would be one too many. Shame on them for their conduct, and shame on them for pandering to the "threatened white heterosexual male" voter.
That being said, they are better behaved than the Houston Fire Department, but that's not saying much.
This week, I read the very disturbing story of two female firefighters in Houston. The two are the only female members of Fire Station 54 at Bush Intercontinental Airport. On July 6, 2009 (that's right, 2009--not 1959), someone scrawled sexual and racial slurs in the secure area of the station directed at Paula Keyes. Fellow firefighter Jane Draycott’s photo of herself and her late daughter on her locker was mutilated, and the word “die” scrawled on her face and “dead” over that of her daughter, who was killed in an auto accident. I guess Ms. Draycott was spared the racial slurs because she's white. The Houston mayor said he is unaware of prior harassment complaints by either woman, but Ms. Draycott told of a series of incidents over a two-year period; she described the cutting of a cold water line in her shower that resulted in her being scalded by hot water, the vandalism of a women’s rest room and insults by male colleagues. All of which were reported to her superiors. Which leads me to ask why HFD Chief Phil Boriskie was quoted as saying, “I’m having difficulty today because I’m mad, mad as hell.”? Was it because he was rightfully appalled by the behavior of his male firefighters, or was it because they finally went too far, and the rest of the world got wind of it? After all, Houston's first female firefighter, Dr. Linda Honeycutt, says the harassment has been going on for a very, very long time.



Men, it's time to step up and say that these kinds of things are wrong. Otherwise, your fellow men will think it's OK. And they'll probably think they're right in believing that "We never should have let those women learn to read. That's where it all started, this uppittyness."

And then all of us are in trouble.

Grab Your Pitchforks--We're Going to Wyoming!

I know President Obama and members of his government have a lot on their collective plate--they have since they arrived in late January. But could Eric Holder please, please take a couple of days to figure out what to do with former VP Cheney?? If not, we'll all have to take matters into our own hands and track him down ourselves. Then we will ride him out of this country on a rail--let the first foreign country he sets foot in arrest Dick Cheney and take him to the International Criminal Court to stand trial. He's a war criminal for sure.
So, what will it take to nail Dick Cheney? I will make Eric Holder's job easy and point him to the following: This has got to be THE smoking gun! I read the article, and am ready to perform a citizen's arrest, for 3 reasons:

1) Why did Vice President Cheney feel he had the authority to direct the CIA to lie to Congress? The lying part has been done before, contrary to what the Republicans in Congress would have you believe (when they chastised Speaker Nancy Pelosi for even daring to claim the CIA would do so). [As a side note, not one Republican representative has retracted what they said back in May. ] The problem with all of this is that in the past, only Presidents have told the director of the CIA to mis-lead Congress--never the Vice President.
2) Why do we allow one branch of government to lie to another? Call me naive, but isn't that why we have "checks and balances"--so one branch does not have more power than another, AND to keep everyone honest?
3) What was this "secret" program? Was it so blatantly illegal that Leon Panetta ordered it shut down shortly after taking office? This would be the "black sites" program--in my opinion, one of the more heinous programs (that we know of) the Bush administration authorized. Or is it the one that Mr. Panetta has ordered investigated just this week? If it is the latter (one where the CIA was stalking terrorist leaders in hopes of killing them), we have to ask ourselves--was our country doing it as a preventative measure or one of retribution?? We already have lost the respect of countless countries throughout the world, and for good reason, especially if we're going after terrorist leaders, not to bring them to justice, but to make them pay for the events of 9/11.
We're better than that. Contrary to what Mr. Cheney thought, our country, and its' people, have a long history of holding ourselves to a higher standard. Now it's time to prove it, once again, to the rest of the world. Please Mr. Holder--get out those handcuffs.