A Gift

Two years ago today, my friend died.  I miss her.  I miss her every day, and I know I will, for the rest of my life.  My heart still feels broken, just as it did 2 years ago.
But's that's love; keeping someone's memory alive for as long as you live.  I cannot properly express what Dagmar brought to my life, but my love for her is endless.
All of this?  It's OK.  It's OK to be sad and to grieve--I daresay it's as much a part of our life as any thing.
What's not OK is to stop living--that's a slap in the face to those who have died.  We owe it to them to keep living, to keep experiencing beauty and love and laughter and hugs...

Today, I went with Dagmar's mother to the cemetery.  As we walked and talked quietly, we heard a noise (I had heard this sound before at the Jasper-Pulaski Wildlife Area).  I looked around the ground, thinking a sandhill crane was somewhere nearby.  Then we looked up, and saw the formation--20 to 30 cranes, flying right over us.  They were calling to each other in a beautiful way.  As we watched in wonder, the formation turned and circled us twice, then flew on.
What a gift.  What an incredible gift we were given.  We savored it.
When I came home, I did some research, and this, in part, is what I found:

"When a crane comes into your life as a spirit teacher or totem you are being asked to use your past as a source of strength in the present.

Cranes appear in the lives of people who are well served by some degree of secrecy in their lives. The crane teaches keeping your own counsel,protection of family, and balance in life above all else.

An encounter with a crane is a powerful experience. You are being asked to look inward, show fairness to all persons, and protect your wisdom while sharing it in appropriate ways. In short, you are being shown the way to balance and good fortune."

Whether you are mourning for Dagmar or for another, I ask you keep yourself open.  Yes, grief hurts, and the natural instinct is to close yourself off, to keep yourself from being hurt again.  But by keeping yourself open, you allow yourself to receive gifts.  Many incredible gifts.

Like sandhill cranes.  

Happy Thanksgiving from Pollyanna (updated)

Top Ten Things I am Thankful for:
1) My kids and Karen. My kids are wonderful; they are such cool, responsible, caring, loving individuals, and I am so very proud of them. Karen makes me so happy in so many mushy ways. These three are the biggest reasons for my blissful life, and I am grateful every moment for them.
2) My family and friends. Those long-suffering relatives who have stuck by me no matter what. They laid the foundation for the person I am today (but don't blame them entirely). Without their love and support, I would be lost. My friends, who I think of as my family of choice--they have been with me so long and have been so faithful in their support of me. We will be spending Thanksgiving with some of them tomorrow, and there's no place on earth I would rather be than with them. I am so thankful to have each of you in my life; you each bring something unique and loving to our relationship, and make me want to be a better person.
3) My health. I will be forever grateful to the health care professionals who have kept me alive all these years. From the first pediatrician who really had his work cut out for him (without the aid of modern drugs, he kept me alive through multiple pneumonias), to my first allergist, Dr. Teigland, to the doctors and nurses in England who so expertly did lung surgery and gave me some hope, to the doctors and nurses who help me today. Thanks.
4) The recent election results. The election process itself was long and at times nasty, but the youngest generation of voters helped us elect a new president who gives us all hope for the future. And we who voted for Barack Obama and other Democratic candidates sent a clear message to the Republican party--the era of dirty tricks and hate speech is over.
5) The place I have called home for over 18 years--this city is one of the coolest in Indiana; very safe, and very accepting of other cultures, religions, races, and sexual orientations. Our city has sent a very clear message through its Human Relations Ordinance--discrimination will not be tolerated in this city. The church I go to reinforces this every day of every year, and the members of the congregation make me feel so welcome every time I walk in the doors.
6) I am grateful I live in the United States; while our laws are far from perfect, and our leadership needs a swift kick in the pants sometimes, at least we have the freedoms we so often take for granted. I know that in other countries, people are killed for no other reason than they are who they are.
7) Chocolate and Rachel Maddow. 'Nough said.
8) My jobs. This should probably be higher on the list, because it allows me a good quality of life. I love the people I would with, I love the places I work, and I appreciate the benefits my employers secure for their employees. Health insurance is at the top of my list!
9) I am grateful I have leisure time. I can exercise, read, watch movies, go hiking, travel, spend time in the backyard, and just be with my family and friends.
10) Nature. I am thankful there are people who work so hard to keep areas of this world as untouched as possible; who believe in preserving natural resources for future generations. I am grateful for the parks and nature preserves in Indiana.

I couldn't sleep last night, and as my thoughts were pinging everywhere, I realised I needed to add an 11th thing to my list. I say this with sincerity and without sarcasm:
11) I am thankful that Bristol Palin will have both parents with her in the last few scary weeks before giving birth. It's probably the most frightening thing she has ever faced in her young life, and she needs them there to support her. I do hope Sarah Palin can spare the time.

What's on your list?