I Do Feel Grateful, But...

Grateful:  adjective \ˈgrāt-fəl\

: feeling or showing thanks : feeling or showing thanks to someone for some helpful act.

Normal:  adjective \ˈnȯr-məl\

: usual or ordinary : not strange.
:  according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle.

• When my family and friends are welcoming to Karen, I am grateful, but I want to be normal.  
• When my church is welcoming to us as a couple, I am grateful, but I want to be normal.
• When I list her as my emergency contact on my health care forms, and my doctors and nurses accept that, I am grateful, but I want to be normal and not have to explain.
• When I was in the hospital, and Karen was by my side the whole time, and everyone was ok with that, I was grateful, but I want that to be normal.
• When I hand-pick a mortgage representative to handle our mortgage, and she processes it without question, I am grateful, but I want to be normal.
• When I ask for car insurance for both of us under the "multii-car discount", and I get it (hasn't happened yet), I will be grateful, but I want to be normal and not have to ask.
• When we walk down the street, and I reach over to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and nobody bats an eye, I am grateful, but I want to be normal. 
• When we go out to celebrate our anniversary, and we actually tell our server that that's the reason we are out, and they congratulate us, I am grateful, but I want to be normal.
• When I have a new co-worker, and they smile when I mention Karen as my partner, I am grateful, but I want to be normal. 
• When I meet someone new, and I introduce Karen as my partner, and wait for the reaction, I am grateful when they don't flinch. I want to be normal.
• When my children meet a "significant other", and they need to tell that person about their moms, I am grateful when it goes well. I want it to be normal for them.
• When I see photos of my friends and their lovely families, I am grateful they have found each other, but I want it to be normal--for their sakes.
• When the president signs another Executive Order, "allowing" more benefits and recognition for LGBT people, I am grateful, but I want it to be normal.
• When we decide to get married, and can do it in the state we live in, I will be grateful, but I want to be normal.

Our last day of Gay Pride Month

This song makes me cry, makes me think again of my friend, Fritz, and of all my LGBT friends.

Day Twenty-Nine

I recently came across this fascinating discussion between James Baldwin and Audre Lorde.  Here's an excerpt:

 



JB: Do you know what happens to a man when he’s ashamed of himself when he can’t find a job? When his socks stink? When he can’t protect anybody? When he can’t do anything? Do you know what happens to a man when he can’t face his children because he’s ashamed of himself? It’s not like being a woman…

AL: No, that’s right. Do you know what happens to a woman who gives birth, who puts that child out there and has to go out and hook to feed it? Do you know what happens to a woman who goes crazy and beats her kids across the room because she’s so full of frustration and anger? Do you know what that is? Do you know what happens to a lesbian who sees her woman and her child beaten on the street while six other guys are holding her? Do you know what that feels like?

Day Twenty-Eight

This, from Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (questioning DOMA):
"You’re saying, no, state said two kinds of marriage; the full marriage, and then this sort of skim-milk marriage."

Day Twenty-Seven

Today, from Harvey Milk:
“The only thing they have to look forward to is hope. And you have to give them hope. Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great. Hope that all will be all right. Without hope, not only gays, but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es, the us'es will give up. And if you help elect to the central committee and other offices, more gay people, that gives a green light to all who feel disenfranchised, a green light to move forward. It means hope to a nation that has given up, because if a gay person makes it, the doors are open to everyone. 
So if there is a message I have to give, it is that if I've found one overriding thing about my personal election, it's the fact that if a gay person can be elected, it's a green light. And you and you and you, you have to give people hope....”

Day Twenty-Six

In March, 2013, Ellen Degeneres submitted this brief to the Supreme Court:

"California’s Proposition 8 is headed to the Supreme Court. Hundreds of companies and families as well as Republicans are submitting briefs urging the 9 judges to allow gay people to marry. I thought that was ridiculous. Why would judges want all of that underwear? Then, after a quick talk with some people, I found out what a brief was.

I’ve never filed a brief to the Supreme Court, so I thought I would post mine here. I’m sure someone will tweet it to them.

Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don’t think we hurt anyone else’s marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they’re fine.  

But even though Portia and I got married in the short period of time when it was legal in California, there are 1,138 federal rights for married couples that we don’t have, including some that protect married people from losing their homes, or their savings or custody of their children.

The truth is, Portia and I aren’t as different from you as you might think. We’re just trying to find happiness in the bodies and minds we were given, like everyone else.

Coming out was one of the hardest things I ever did. I didn’t intend to be on the cover of Time magazine saying, “Yep, I’m gay.” The truth is, I don’t even remember saying that. I mean, I definitely said the “I’m gay” part. It’s the “yep” I don’t remember. I’m not really a “yep” person. “Yes siree Bob” maybe. But not “yep."

In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “We’re here, we’re queer, get over it.” And there’s another famous quote that says “A society is judged by how it treats its weakest members.” I couldn’t agree with that more. No one’s really sure who said it first, so if anyone asks, tell them I said it.

I hope the Supreme Court will do the right thing, and let everyone enjoy the same rights. It’s going to help keep families together. It’s going to make kids feel better about who they are. And it is time.

*I was just told Benjamin Franklin did not say that first quote. I apologize and see that I have a lot to learn about stuff."