Evolution of a Letter to the Editor

On July 8th, I picked up the local newspaper and read a Letter to the Editor, written by a local woman--she was upset that her son was losing his job with NASA, and quoted Fox "News" (quotations mine) as saying  President Barack Obama, in July 2010, had charged NASA's administrator with the top priority to "reach out to the Muslim world."  
"Hmmm....," I thought, "it's reckless for the local newspaper to print something like this--the information is over a year old, and sounds suspiciously like another "Obama/Muslim" connection that Fox is so happy to report on."  I did a little research, and after slogging through 3 Google pages (that's a lot of pages of misinformation to go through) of re-reports of the Fox story, I finally got to the truth, directly from the White House.  To quote the Press Secretary:  "MR. GIBBS:  That's an excellent question, and I don't think -- that was not his task, and that's not the task of NASA."


This lack of fact-checking on the part of the Opnions staff made me angry--I know of people who have been asked to re-write letters or provide documentation when submitting letters with "facts" in them.  Clearly this letter was let by.  I sat down and wrote my own letter:

"Shame on the Journal and Courier for printing a letter (July 8^th) with a quote from a newspaper that was not only over a year old, but was patently false—the White House refuted it  at the daily briefing on July 12, 2010.  To be fair, I don’t think the author of the letter was consciously spreading lies; she was just repeating what she heard on Fox.

I would like to help the staff of the newspaper as they peruse letters in the future; I’ve done my homework, and here’s my helpful guide:

“Obama was not born in this country.”  False.  Proven many times.

“Obama is a Christian.”  True.  But what does it matter?

“Republicans would rather stick it to the middle class than ask their billionaire friends to pay their fair share.”  Opinion.  Mine.  But probably true.  Again, opinion.

“The real power in this country lies in with those who have the money.  The rest of us are at their mercy, and until we wake up, things will get worse.”  Again, opinion.  But probably will be proven correct in the future.

“The sun will rise tomorrow.”  Trust, but verify."

I was pleased with what I wrote; I thought it was fair, and then humorous, but got my point across.  Imagine  my surprise when I got a note back from the Opinions Editor.  In part, he said, "If the White House refuted it, it certainly must have been after their initial defense of the statement.  The letter writer was accurate, based on this as well as other published accounts over this issue."  He provided the link, which pre-dated the White House briefing I had found.  

So, I fired an e-mail back:  "The letter was inaccurate, and not necessarily timely, since the incident occurred over a year ago.  The White House refuted it, and that was my point--shouldn't the primary source have the last word?!  I think my letter was fair...We all should be careful in the age of the internet, to go to primary sources as much as possible, and the letter writer did not."

The Opinions Editor wrote back:  "But the first paragraph is not fair to the [newspaper] or the letter writer since the White House defended its NASA director and his accounts of the president's directives for at least a week before the daily briefing you reference in your letter. Hence, the letter writer was not inaccurate, and the [newspaper] was not loose with fact-checking the writer's assertions. The [newspaper] is fair game for public criticism, but your letter takes us and the letter writer to task for something that was accurate. You may disagree with the writer's points and the [newspaper]. We encourage these discussions. But the letter writer's claim was not "patently false."

I considered this, and as I did not want to call into question the motives of a mother, I re-wrote the letter, and sent it in:

"I would like to question the wisdom of printing a letter (July 8^th) with a quote from a newspaper article that was not only over a year old, but was later denied—the White House refuted it  at the daily briefing on July 12, 2010.  I don’t think the author of the letter was consciously spreading misinformation; she was just repeating what she heard on Fox.  I also understand she’s concerned because her son might lose his job at NASA, but to tie it to a false connection between Muslims and President Obama is unfair.

I would like to help everyone as they sit down to read or write a Letter to the Editor; I’ve done my homework, and here is a helpful “Fact” and “Opinion” guide:

“Obama was not born in this country.”  False.  Proven many times.

“Obama is a Christian.”  True.  But what does it matter?

“Republicans would rather stick it to the middle class than ask their billionaire friends to pay their fair share.”  Opinion.  Mine.  But probably true.  Again, opinion.

“The real power in this country lies in with those who have the money.  The rest of us are at their mercy, and until we wake up, things will get worse.”  Again, opinion.  But probably will be proven correct in the future.

“The sun will rise tomorrow.”  Trust, but verify."

And I waited.  Nearly 2 weeks later, my letter appeared in the paper, as follows:


"I question the wisdom of printing a letter (July 8) with a quote from a newspaper article that was not only over a year old, but was later denied -- the White House refuted it at the daily briefing on July 12, 2010. I don't think the author of the letter was consciously spreading misinformation; she was just repeating what she heard on Fox News. I also understand she's concerned because her son might lose his job at NASA, but to tie it to a false connection between Muslims and President Barack Obama is unfair.
I would like to help everyone as they sit down to read or write a letter to the editor. I've done my homework, and here is a helpful "fact" and "opinion" guide:
"Obama was not born in this country." False. Proven many times.
"Obama is a Christian." True. But what does it matter?
"Republicans would rather stick it to the middle class than ask their billionaire friends to pay their fair share." Opinion. Mine. But probably true. Again, opinion.
"The real power in this country lies in with those who have the money. The rest of us are at their mercy, and until we wake up, things will get worse." Again, opinion. But probably will be proven correct in the future.
"The sun will rise tomorrow." Trust, but verify."


If you don't immediately see the edited portion of my letter, I've underlined it and made it bold.  I was livid--I would never, ever, ever put the word "News" after "Fox".  Ever.  Sigh........

Rant from the Library

Actually, I am not a librarian.  I work in a library, but have not put in the hours of training and/or class time to become one.  I know some parts of the Dewey Decimal System, but doesn't everyone?
I do work at the Circulation Desk, checking things in and out for patrons.  It feels a lot like doing laundry; you check something in, and within a day, it seems like it's going out again.  But that's job security too.  For the most part, I like the job--I get to scrutinize a lot of great books, CDs, and DVDs, and I meet some interesting people from all over the world (thanks to thriving International Student community of the local university).
However, a select group of patrons can really ruin the day, very quickly.  These are the patrons who SWEAR to you that they REALLY DID return that book, DVD, whatever ON TIME.  They will point in the direction of the nearest drop box, as if that gesture will allow me to personally experience the moment when they dropped the item into the drop box.  Then they look accusingly at me, as if I keep a box of items back in some secret place, just to personally screw with their account--like there's some library "stash" of items we will never, ever check in--not today, not ever.  BECAUSE IT COULD NOT BE THEIR FAULT!!!
Oh sure, we make mistakes--more than a few, I'm sorry to admit.  We allow items to get back on the shelves without being checked in.  We willingly look for items, if you contact us, and will apologize and adjust your account if we've made a mistake.  Yes, we will apologize.
That rarely happens if it's the other way around.
Case in point:  Mr. Professor (I do know his profession) came up to the counter, 5 minutes before closing, on a recent day.  He wanted to check out a number (20) of items for his beloved granddaughter, who was in tow.  I looked at his account, and saw that he owed us over.. let's say $20, because of an item he had not returned for over 3 months.  He proceeded to tell me that he had indeed returned the item ON TIME in that dropbox outside, and we must have lost it in the 5 feet from dropbox to check-in station.  Yes indeed, it must be our fault, even though (as I looked at the notes on his record) three staff members had, on separate occasions, looked for the book, and it was nowhere to be found.  I offered (it's now 3 minutes to closing and a line is forming) to go and look again, and he assured me he had just looked, and the book was not on the shelf.  Yet it remained our fault because he had returned that book in that dropbox ON TIME.  And no, he was not going to pay for the book because, of course, this was all our fault.  Now I'm feeling guilty because:  1) He's got to be right and we must have screwed up, even though I trust that my 3 co-workers know how to look for a book in the library, and 2) I am going to have to refuse to check out anything for him and his very cute granddaughter.  Yes, I suck.  And everyone behind him, who had to wait, thinks I suck too, because they had to wait, and are convinced that of course he is right.
Now here's the kicker--the VERY NEXT DAY, the book is returned to the library by Mr. Professor.  I'm sure he dropped it into his beloved dropbox, because if he returned it inside, he might actually encounter one of the four staff members whose qualifications he's called into question for the past 3 months.  Without saying anything, he will have to admit it was his fault.  But he will never apologize.  They never do.
I'm just glad the damn book is back, so other patrons can enjoy it.
Here's a reminder to those of us of the human race:  "Be kind to one another."  Especially to those in the service industry.  Most of the time, they are only doing what their boss has told them to do.
And, on behalf of those who work in a public library, a couple of reminders:
1)  We loan things for free.  Lots of cool things you do not have to pay for, but are free to possess for a logical period of time.
2)  If you return things late, we may have to penalize you.  Because someone else may be waiting for that item; may need it for a class, a project, or just to enjoy in their own home.
3)  We also assess these penalties because we get no federal funding, no state funding, and because locally, people complain their taxes are too high.  These penalties add approximately $25,000 to our budget every year--money we use to buy more books, CDs, and DVDs.  More stuff for you to enjoy.
4) We, the people who work at the Circulation Desk, do not make the rules.  Our Board sets the fine policy (and that's not an easy decision for them to make, as they are patrons too). Please do not yell at us.  It's not our fault that you returned something late, and not up to us how much to charge you.
5)  Likewise, please do not yell at us because an item is not in the library.  We have no control over when it will be returned.  We also have no extra money in our budget to buy another copy.

If you are one of the vast majority of really pleasant people I deal with every day, I thank you.  Thank you for treating other humans with kindness.  I really do appreciate it.
And remember, your local library would appreciate donations of books, CDs, and DVDs that you're no longer using.  It's recycling perfected.

Carry On

I gave the following sermon this morning at my church.  I got many, many compliments--the most touching coming from an older woman I did not know.  She walked up to me and asked, "Can I hug you?"  We talked a minute or two, and she said she wished she had heard my sermon when she lost her husband.  I'm glad I could help her a little.
The best moment of the service came when we sang our final hymn--"Let It Be a Dance" (in this clip, performed at another UU Church).  I've heard it performed at memorial services, and I hope everyone sings it at mine.  Today, I thought it would be a nice end to a service--to celebrate life.  I encouraged everyone to sway, and to dance if they wanted, and two of my friends did dance in the aisle.  It was perfect.

              *****************************************************************

Carry On

First, a review of my credentials:  I don’t have any.  I have no professional background and no theological degree.  But  I have lost people—maybe not as many as some of you, maybe more.  The people I’ve lost have moved away, or have been left by me when I moved, have been lost in anger or in love, or, most cruelly of all, have died.  Our church community has suffered all of these types of losses too, and often we, as a community, find ourselves missing and mourning some one or some family.

What I offer today are mostly my original thoughts on the subject; my hope is that they will provide food for thought for you.  If not, I will have failed to uphold parts of the covenant of this church, and you have every right to show-me-the-door-don’t –let-it-hit-my-butt-on-the-way-out. 

This is a hard topic to talk about, and yet loss, and the resulting emotions, including grief, is universal.  Every one of us has felt loss—every single one of us, right down to the youngest in this congregation.

 The simple act of living guarantees constant change.  Our flowers grow, bloom, and die.  We lose pets; some die, some run away.  We move from grade to grade, school to school.  We move from one home to another.  We might not even think of this as loss, or don’t even realize our children may be experiencing loss at the same time. 

And here’s a cautionary tale:  I will never forget our move from El Cerrito, CA to West Lafayette.  We had only lived there a year, and had moved with our daughter 4 times already in her short life.  This was just one more move to me, and I thought, to Erika.  And yet, as we were pulling away from our rental house that last time, I heard a little 4 year-old voice in the backseat say, very poignantly, “Good-bye House!”  It really made me stop and think—we talked about moving, we packed her toys, and yet I did not help her say a proper good-bye to all those familiar places.  As a result of my long-standing guilt over this incident, I wrote the story of Joey, which I read earlier, to help my great-niece cope as she moved from IA to WI.  I don’t know if it helped her, but it helped me—I feel a little less guilty about being so clueless with Erika so many years ago. 

Yes, there is loss of a temporary nature (for instance, you move from one job to another), and there is loss that is permanent—you lose a hard-fought political campaign, a physical piece of yourself, or the saddest, most tragic loss of all—someone you love dies.

But no matter what your loss, I believe you have 2 choices:

·         You can MOVE on,  or

·         You can CARRY on.

Sometimes the healthy choice is to MOVE on—you know, move past the loss, leave it behind.  You lost your job?  Time to MOVE on—hopefully to something better.  Lose a battle or hard-fought argument?  Perhaps it’s time to leave all those thoughts and feelings behind, especially the anger or whatever destructive emotion was involved.  Drop it, leave it, never mention it again. MOVE ON! Or, more extreme:  you lose some body part in an accident (my dad lost some fingers in an accident in junior high)?  You have no choice but to leave those parts behind. 

By all means, with any situation, if you feel it’s best for YOU, then MOVE ON.  Leave it—whatever it is—completely and without regret. 

But I think it’s far more likely that each and every one of us CARRIES ON.  Carrying on is just that—we carry something or some one with us as we go on in life.  Just as Joey did in the kids’ story, we CARRY a part of a place, a person, with us.   I guarantee we do—it may be as visible as a film of dirt, or as invisible as a faint memory.  Why do we have a Mingling of the Waters ceremony here in the church in the autumn?  To honor the process of carrying on—in a very visible way—from the things we have experienced in the summer.  Mingling the waters is a symbolic way of connecting our present to our past, by sharing the essence of places we’ve been, with others.

Everything we CARRY with us impacts the way we deal with our future.  Have you ever walked into a place, and had a certain aroma take you right back to your grandmothers’ kitchen?  Or have you been in a flea market and seen a toy you had as a child—you may have completely forgotten about it, but when you see that toy on the 15 cent table, you are transported back in time—you remember playing with it, who you were playing with, and where you were when you were playing.  Unconsciously, you have CARRIED those things with you. 

It was not lost, it was just waiting.

And so it is when we lose a person from our lives. 

If I have caused you to remember someone from your past, and you’re wishing you could reconnect, I encourage you to do it—take the downtime of summer to actually write a letter, draw a picture, send off postcard, whatever, but reconnect. 

I’m sure a lot of us have stories of reconnections—some successful, some less so.  This spring, I was able to reconnect with my cousins—I had not seen them in 30 years, had not met spouses or children.  We had only a few collective memories, but over the course of 3 days were able to share memories of the people in our family; prompted by photos, we learned so much about each others’ lives, and the grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins we have in common.  And now, each of us is carrying more stories and memories than we had before.  Needless to say, my reconnection with my cousins is priceless to me.

Yes, I do urge you to reconnect while you can.  Heck, you can even reconnect using the magic of the internet!  Through Google Earth, did you know it’s possible, in many cases, to revisit childhood homes or favorite hangouts?  Type in an address and the magical internet will take you there—you might even have the ability to explore every part of the property, 360 from where you’re “standing”!

Reconnect while you can.

Because we all know we’re going to die.

Death—you cannot MOVE ON from the death of a loved one; this is a common, human mistake.  People do try to put a limit on the mourning and grieving processes; how many times have you heard, “It’s been X days, weeks, months since her death—I think it’s time for you to move on.”?  If someone ever says that to YOU, you have my permission to immediately turn and walk away. 
              What an insult.

For we never truly MOVE on from the death of a loved one—we CARRY on, the best we know how—and a piece of them is with us always, whether we know it or not. 

There can be no time limit placed on the grieving process.

There can be no time limit placed on the grieving process.

NO ONE, NO ONE has the right to tell you when it’s time to stop the grieving process.  You can grieve for one minute (think of how you feel when a beloved film star dies), or you can mourn for one minute every hour of every day.  If it gives you comfort, you can take a “memory vacation” with that person one day every week for a year—do whatever it takes to help YOU heal, to help YOU carry on.  You know you will not MOVE on, but every day that passes will help you CARRY on. 

But as you grieve, I encourage you to be open to the help of others, to allow them to comfort you.  I also encourage you to be active—it’s OK to carry that person with you outside, into nature—the natural world can be surprisingly healing.  And, do NOT feel guilty—remember, you are not MOVING on, you are CARRYING on, the best you know how. 

This spring, I lost a dear friend—many of you knew her.  A couple of months after her death, I was admitted to the emergency room of the very same hospital where she died.  Memories of her, her death, were still so new, and being there made me so frightened, and so very, very sad.  I cried from a pain that was not purely physical, and I realized I should explain my emotions to the nurse who was examining me.  One little gesture—she handed me a tissue box—comforted and calmed me more than words could.  In handing me that box, she acknowledged my feelings without diminishing them.  It was an amazing gift from one human to another.  And, it allowed me to MOVE past my feelings about the actual building while still CARRYING my thoughts of my friend with me—a little healing, not just physical, occurred that day.

Just as we grieve, others grieve—in their own time, in their own way.  If we care about each other, and I think we do, we should acknowledge the process of healing and support each other as much as we can.  Remember:  we each have our own way of moving on, and of carrying on.  What enables us to do it in a healthy way is the support and love we get from others.  We might not understand why another is grieving in the way they do, but we can still offer love and support.  To be sure, if other persons grief is taking them down a destructive path—alcohol, drugs, depression—we may need to act differently, but that’s a topic for another sermon.

I want to talk for a moment about the spiritual component of the grief process.  If you’ve ever been to a funeral in a church, and left the service feeling either uplifted or cold as ice, you have probably been impacted by the spirituality behind the message.  As we grieve for another, our thoughts logically move to the question of what happens after death—it’s part of the “anticipatory grief” process Dianna read about earlier.  Many of us take comfort in the thought of heaven, of hell, of reincarnation; we look forward to meeting our loved one again.  Please remember that the spiritual beliefs of others bring them just as much comfort as yours do.  Furthermore, each and every persons’ vision of the hereafter is different.  Even though NO human knows what happens after death, every spiritual leader of every faith in the world will willingly design an afterlife for you.  You are then left to define it.  The comfort you take in from defining your vision of an afterlife is another way to allow you to carry on.  Likewise, we should take care to allow our loved ones the afterlife they’ve defined.  After all, it doesn’t touch your defined afterlife, does it?  And, remember?  Every Sunday you’ve agreed:  “to seek the truth in love”.

Finally, have no regrets.  As the authors note in On Grief and Grieving, “When a loved one dies, we are often left with many regrets about all those things we wish we had done…

We all know intellectually that we don’t have forever.  We also know we can’t do it all.  But intellect does not inform matters of the heart.  Regrets are of the heart, the yearning for more and the chance to always do it better.

Regrets will always belong to the past.

Let me repeat that:  Regrets will always belong to the past.

And death has a cruel way of giving regrets more attention than they deserve…

No matter which choice you made, since the outcome now has been loss, you may regret not choosing whatever the other option was…

Do your best to make peace with as many regrets as possible.  It would be unrealistic to have done everything in life.  It would also be just as unrealistic to have been perfect and have no regrets.  Forgive yourself.”

My closing words to you?  Live, love, find and give each other peace and joy, and dance.  No regrets.   

Never, Ever Give Up

Women, we are being pushed into action once again.  State legislatures are filled with Republican men who have an agenda--it's not even a secret agenda--to deprive women of power.  By any means necessary.
We've seen it all before.  We've fought it all before.  We are tired of fighting it over and over and over again.  But fight we must.  Do I need to remind you that Susan B Anthony got up every single day, year after year, knowing she would never live to see the day when she could VOTE, but knew she had to do it for US--we, the next generations.
Now it's time for us to do it again.  For us, and for the future.  We can.  Yes, we can.