Name Game

Every once in a while, I get those e-mail surveys--you know, "What was the last thing you ate?" "What 4 things do you have in your car?" Anyway, I love them. So keep sending them my way. Recently, I got one that asked what 4 names I have gone by in the past, and that got me thinking about what I've been called, what I want to be called, and what you probably shouldn't ever call me. A couple of days before that, Karen bought me this way cool journal, Listography: Your Life in Lists, so I made a list of all the names and now I'm ready to share.
You can call me:
Woman, Feminist, Independent-leaning Democrat, American, native Iowan, resident of a Blue State, but not a Hoosier!
You can call me:
Human who tries to do the right thing, Liberal, left-leaning, gay, lesbian, dyke (but not homosexual--it sounds a little "stuffy"), soft butch, muff muncher or muff diver (but my favorite is pearl diver)--I've heard them all.
You cannot call me:
Pervert, les-bee-an (said with snide contempt), dyke (if you're using that same tone), fag, bitch (unless you're using it as a term of endearment--a few of my friends do), feminist or feminazi (see tonation above), cunt, flake, weirdo(although I don't mind being weird), Mrs. K (I still can't get used to that--that woman was my wonderful ex-mother-in-law), old bag, old hag (although I am very close to earning the title Crone, and would be proud to be called that).
I prefer to be called:
a mid-to-late summer, woman-loving-woman.
But my favorite things to be called; in fact it's an honor to be called:
Mom
Gale
Daughter
Sister
Auntie
Friend

I Love Linda

I posted a message on Facebook this morning. It said, "We just got the great news. Karen's pregnant!"
Not 20 minutes later, I get a phone call from my best friend. She breathlessly exclaims, "What? Why didn't you tell me last night? We were at the game and you didn't say a word."
I respond, "What do you mean 'what?' Karen's having a Chinese baby."
And then I start to laugh. It IS April Fool's Day, after all.