Proclamation # 3: "Before I turn 50, I will legal change my name to one that has meaning for me."And so it will be tomorrow; my name will legally change to: Gale (father's mother's first name) (mother's mother's first name). I did not arrive at this decision without a lot of thought. It's fun to select a name for yourself, and at the same time, it's very difficult. Fun, because you have millions of choices. You can go with the name of a place that has meaning to you. You can select an inanimate object that you like. You can take the same name as a celebrity, or go with something playful. One of my friends suggested I go with "Tooty Fruity". I must admit it has a nice ring to it.
It's also difficult, because there may be too many to choose from, or there may be too many people you admire and want to honor with a name. Too many inanimate objects to pick from--that can be a real problem.
For me, it was a combination of fun and stressful. It was hard to leave behind a name I had had since 1981, and yet I felt it was time to have my own identity. I considered a water-based name like Pond, Lake, or Steam, since I love the water so much. I did not want to take my maiden name because I didn't really like it. Besides that, my grandfather was adopted (quite literally left on someone's doorstep), so the name was not a multi-generational keepsake. I also didn't like my original middle name--Joyce--because I did not know the person I was named after; she worked in a bank on my dad's mail route, and for all I know could be an embezzler. There were many family names to choose from as well; some were hard to pronounce (I didn't want to go that route again!), and some had no special meaning for me. I had thought about honoring a woman in history by taking her name--Susan B. Anthony had no children, and Gale Anthony had a nice ring to it--that was a close second.
One day, I was thinking about the women in my family, and how strong they all had been. My paternal grandmother was in her 90's when I knew her, but my father told me stories of her as a young woman and mother, and she was quite the spitfire. She grew up in a family of horse traders, she cut her hair short just before it was OK to do so, and she traveled all over the country with her husband the bridge builder and their two sons. My maternal grandmother helped to raise me and my siblings. She grew up in a small town, got married and had a son. That husband went off to fight in WW I, developed a nasty gambling habit, and as she said, "Came home from war a different man." She had to go to the big city of Des Moines to find work, and left her son with her extended family; I cannot imagine how hard that must have been. She met my grandfather, and they had 4 children together. My grandfather was an alcoholic, and until he joined AA, was not a very nice man. She raised 4 children (the youngest died at age 4) almost by herself, and kept the family going through the Great Depression. She was a waitress well into her 60's, and was proud of the work she did. She and my grandfather were married over 50 years, which I believe is a testament to her tenacity.
As I thought more about it, how could I not be honored to take these womens' names? I practiced writing my "new" full name, and found myself smiling. Perfect!
According to Indiana Statute, I could just start to use my new name, and it would be legally recognized. However, if I ever wanted a driver's license in my new name, I would have to file the legal papers to change it, and pay the fees. I did consult a couple of lawyers about doing the name change for me, but in the end, found it was fairly easy to do on my own. The only problem was the County Clerk's Office--they seemed so used to lawyers handling name changes that they weren't prepared to answer the multitude of questions I had. I paid my $136 filing fee, appeared before the judge (it was just as scary for me to stand before him as it was to sit in a principal's office!) to set a court date, paid $125 to the local newspaper for a legal ad to run on 3 consecutive weeks, and then sat back to wait the required 30 days.
Tomorrow is the day I see the judge, and I'm excited. I have the blessing of family and friends, but there's just one thing. I should have included my mom in some way in this name change. After all, she gave birth to me--it's the least I could do. And, she is, by far, the strongest person I have even known. Her life has been so hard, and yet she moves forward with a faith and a courage that amazes me. Just last week, she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. She faced this with her typical grace, saying, "We've had stones in the road before--we'll just find a way around this one too." This week, she will have her first chemotherapy treatment, and I plan to be by her side, giving her the support and love she's always so freely given to me. I am certain I will learn new lessons from her, watching her face this newest "stone".
On the other hand, it's appropriate to take her mother's name, and remember we do come from a long line of strong women. If my mom needs an additional source of strength, she can call upon her ancestors. And they will be there for her--of that I am certain.
