We Are Better Than This

On a Sunday in January 2018, our church family found this hate-filled, vile banner hanging on our fences. 

What followed was a love-filled embrace from our local community:  over 300 folks filled, and then over-flowed our sanctuary the following Wednesday night. The message from the speakers and attendees of that gathering?  "Hate has no place here." Period. From the mayor to the police chief, the state representatives and state senator, local religious leaders, friends, and congregants:  LOVE wins. Hate speech, hateful acts? There is no place in our community for that. 

The message seemed to have been received in our local community--for a time.

 

Over the years, murals have been vandalized, ugly words shouted from cars, from "preachers" on our local college campus, and the general mood has digressed into "us" vs. "them". Old wounds have reopened. Not just here, but everywhere. I am just as guilty as anyone in my thoughtless use of divisive language. 

 

The most recent incident of hate speech happened just yesterday. These flyers were distributed on our college campus. (it's interesting the colors used in both hate messages are the same). I'm proud to say our mayor and the city council member who proposed the pending local ordinance immediately condemned the flyer.  Furthermore, members of the city council are working on the proposed ordinance, in an effort to clarify the language (I believe they did this after listening to the concerns of religious leaders and the head of national LGBTQ+ organizations). 

 

 

 Maybe there is hope for us--if we try to listen more. If our language is more thoughtful. If we try to consider the person instead of the pre-judgement we have. 

 You see, Pastor Viars is a friend of mine. We could not be further apart, ideologically. But once upon a time, we agreed to meet, and to listen to each other. I'm so glad we did. My life is richer because of our chats. I hope he says the same about me. When I saw the flyer yesterday, I was as frightened and sickened reading it as I was in 2018, reading the hate-filled banner. I have written to him and expressed my support and love. That's what friends do.

We have got to be better. If we aren't. our world will become increasingly evil-filled. Because guess who wins when we do this to one another? Evil. The evil-minded know that if you keep people divided, it is far, far easier for evil to win--every time. Want to be rich? Pit workers against other workers. They'll fight amongst each other, and you can rake in those riches. Want to be powerful? Pit your citizens against each other--they will be so busy fighting, they will completely forget about "the common good". 

If you need inspiration, look to the children.

Yup. All About Me. And You?

 

These days, I am tired. 

I know so many other people who are exhausted:  teachers, healthcare providers, caregivers, other essential workers, and parents. I send you all my love and respect for all the very difficult jobs you are doing. Thank you for caring for our children, for our seniors, and for all of those who are fighting illness and disease. Sending a big hug to all those parents who are struggling to do the right thing and protect their children when so many adults don't care to help even kids.

But, like I said, this is about me. And I am so frikkin tired. I am tired of overthinking everything...where I can go, will that place will be safe--do they require masks for their staff AND patrons? Will I encounter assholes who give me a bad time for wearing a mask? Is it safe to:  eat, shop, drive, fly, WORK??? Should I ask my doctor? Should I listen to the CDC experts? Scientists? Should I get a booster shot? When should I get a booster shot? Is it safe to go to the doctor? What if I get sick or have an accident? How do I prevent getting sick or getting in an accident? Is it safe to see friends? How many at a time? Is it safe to go into their house? Should I stop hugging? Is it okay to hug again? Should I wear a mask? Did I remember a mask???  Should I double-mask? Get a face shield? Did I remember to wash my hands when I got home? Should I cancel my trip? Cancel the next one? Cancel the next one? What about holidays??

Oh no! _________________ was exposed to COVID!! They are vaccinated, but will they get sick? Really sick? How did they get exposed? Did I do the same thing they did? Where I can go, will that place will be safe--do they require masks for their staff AND patrons? Will I encounter assholes who give me a bad time for wearing a mask? Is it safe to:  eat, shop, drive, fly, WORK??? .......

It's an endless loop. It wasn't supposed to be this way. When the vaccines were available, every person was supposed to get their shots as soon as they possibly could! We were supposed to be well past the COVID danger by now. We were supposed to be back to "normal". We were supposed to listen to the scientists and the doctors and DO. THE. RIGHT. THING.

I was sooooooo looking forward to normal. I was looking forward to not being scared all the time. I was looking forward to....everything.

SOOO.....

 I am angry. I am furious. I say, "For fuck's sake" a LOT. I am pissed as hell at other people. People who did not get the vaccine. People who do not, and have not ever worn a mask. People who go to school board meetings and scream at elected officials because they don't want their child to do anything to help their fellow humans either. People who are prolonging this epidemic AND causing new variants to emerge because they don't care. Or because, in their infantile minds, they believe the pandemic is a political situation. I am angry because people are idiots, and choose to believe what "Doktor Bob" on the internet or "Miss Debbie the Antivaxxer" tells them, instead of real scientists and real doctors. I hate the television personalities and politicians and religious leaders who are spreading lies about the vaccine, about masking and social distancing. I loathe the ones who had power in 2020 and chose to make all of this political.

I really, really despise people whose lives have not changed one little bit in the last 19 months; people who do not second-guess anything they do or wear or eat. People who laugh at those of us who are doing all we can to protect THEM and their families. I am angry and I despise those people who are still putting all of us at risk. 

But I believe there's a special place in Hell for those people who get COVID because they didn't get vaccinated and didn't wear a mask AND THEN go to the hospital and demand treatment. I am angry that my insurance is paying for their sick ass. Or that my tax dollars are being spent to save their lives. I hate that healthcare workers have to work so hard to save them when this all should have been prevented; over months ago. And I firmly believe that the hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who are dying and still proclaiming that COVID is a "myth", and their family members who are screaming that same thing at the doctors and nurses fighting to save their loved one. 

 

Finally, I don't like myself much these days. I don't like being angry. I don't like pre-judging anyone, and yet I do it every day. 

I am extremely sad that I am losing my compassion. When COVID first hit, I watched television, read about victims, and cried for the dead and dying. My heart broke every night as we watched the body bags being loaded onto semis. Heard doctors and nurses describe how they held the hands of the dying while their families spoke to them via a cellphone, and couldn't imagine the heartbreak. Now, it's hard to muster that compassion for an unvaccinated COVID patient who is intubated or struggling to breathe. How many others did they infect? How many people did they bully or laugh at before they ended up there? How much misinformation did they spread, to how many people, before they died????

I worry my lack of compassion will be permanent. I worry that, if I am feeling this way, other people are too, and what is going to happen to our world? Will we all stay angry? Divided?? What kind of world are we leaving for future generations? 

I'm tired.