Lazy Day

I took the day off today, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of my 5 days off.
I am savoring this time....I don't have any more "have to's" to do, and just a couple of "should's". Should put away the Christmas decorations and should get the rest of the holiday cards into the mail. Should finish the laundry, and should pick up more of my mess. But really, I have 2 1/2 more days to do all of that, so I'm taking it easy and working slowly on the "should's"--hence the sitting down to write this blog. I might even do two blogs today--it's funny how, when I actually have time to think, that the words just want to pour out.
I started to day slowly; said good-bye to Karen as she went off to work (yes, I did feel kinda sorta guilty), and then snuggled back down under the covers for another hour or two. That was a truly decedent feeling--to be able to go back to sleep for so long. As a mom, I do appreciate the ability to just turn over and go back to sleep without worrying whether someone is going to tear the house apart or really, really need me. Not even the animals stirred, which was remarkable in itself. I think I needed the extra sleep--we went to a great party on New Year's Eve, and the champagne to end it all took its toll on my aging body--yesterday I felt tired all day long. I hate the aging process; the aches and pains that didn't use to be there. The not being able to hold my liquor as well as I used to. The remarks from my daughter, who worries that I might "break a hip" if I do something mildly strenuous. But mostly, I hate the fact that I might possibly be beginning menopause.
At the word "menopause", some of the males reading this will want to stop, as will some of the young female ones, but keep reading--you might learn something to help you deal with the women in your life, or your future life.
I plan to make an appointment with my gynecologist just to make sure, but from what I understand, all the symptoms of menopause are present and accounted for in my body. I've just had two cycles where I've had all the signs of a period without any bleeding. Actually, the signs were more like what I experienced as a young teenager--bad cramping, feeling horribly bloated (I felt just like the Pillsbury doughboy), backaches. The new symptom, the one that surprised me the most? Mood swings. I felt depressed and would cry for no particular reason. I hated that--it's like I was outside my body and watching someone else take over, and I had no control over what that other person was doing to me. And then, like a flash, it would be over, leaving me (and probably Karen) to say, "Huh? Who was that?" I've been a little down this holiday season, for reasons I can't fully explain, and I'd like to think that's a result of my body changing too. Who knows?
I've started to gather advice from all the crones in my life--the wise women who have gone through menopause and who therefore are holding wisdom instead of releasing it once a month. They've had plenty to tell me: what to look forward to (hot flashes, or as I prefer to think of them--power surges), what vitamins and other supplements to take, what things to avoid. But I think the biggest benefit for me is being in a relationship with another woman--Karen has been very understanding and supportive and willing to listen as I tearfully explain that it's not really me talking, it's that other creature inside me. She knows full well that someday I will be the one who is listening to the menopause monster inside of her.
But today I'm enjoying the time between pseudo-periods; time when I am me, and don't have any "have to's" on my list. No need to rant today on this blog (well, maybe just a little, but I'll save it for later), just an opportunity to say I hope the rest of 2009 feels as peaceful as it does today--for me and for you. Happy New Year.